


Eclipse

by AislingRoisin (JayBird345)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Third Shinobi War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Therapy, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayBird345/pseuds/AislingRoisin
Summary: "In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."
Relationships: Nara Shikaku/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 92
Kudos: 183
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Oc Centric Fics, Reincarnated in another world Fics, Reincarnation and Self Insertion, Self-Inserts and Original Characters, oc self insertSI





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HybrisAnaideia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HybrisAnaideia/gifts).



> Note: A big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story!

" _ **And in fragmented darkness,**_

_**I knew that his lunar smile** _

_**would captivate the moon** _

_**and always be the reason** _

_**for my soul's eclipse"** _

* * *

"Why is it _my fault_ that you can't be _man_ enough and get me pregnant Shikaku?!" A plate shattered against the wall, as the tired man below it groaned in protest at being interrupted from the first bit of rest he had gotten in four days.

' _So much for enjoying my downtime.'_ This conversation had been going on for over 30 minutes, making it harder and harder for him to rest in peace.

"I didn't blame you, Yoshino. Stop overreacting." The deafening silence in the room, had Shikaku turning to see his _ever so loving wife_ turn redder in rage at his dismissive remark. Her hair seemed to spike in fury as she took a deep breath before ranting even louder.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what I can or can't feel! _You_ don't have to deal with the hoard of ' _well-meaning'_ women and elders wondering what's wrong with _me_ that I haven't been able to give _you_ a child ever since I was _forced_ to stop being an active shinobi."

Sticking his pinky in his ear, Shikaku huffed as he got into a more comfortable position. It's not that he didn't sympathize with her plight. She had been an excellent Chunin with a good track record to make Jonin at a faster pace than anyone in her peer group. Unfortunately, the clan needed kids and everyone and their mother knew that women have a harder time conceiving past a certain rank.

' _All the damage that is done to their bodies and whatnot.'_ He would never have asked her to stop doing what she loves for his sake but gods, was it ever hard to care when she got into one of her hysterical fits. What did she want him to do about it?

Leaning his back against the wooden pillar, Shikaku dodged another flying plate for his seeming lack of attention. She hated feeling ignored and unfortunately, he was very good at pissing her off by just breathing.

"You know _perfectly well_ that in arranged marriages neither side really gets a say in who we marry."

And what a surprise that had been. Out of all the women in their clan, his parents had taken one look at this brash, outspoken woman and thought, ' _Yes, our son will be able to have a successful marriage with this one.'_ Thanks, mom and dad.

"I was doing great in my career! I was happy!" Shikaku would give her that. She had been a happier woman at the start of it all. She actually would be nice to him when he was having a bad day and they actually managed to talk without ending in screaming matches. She had even let him hold her hand when they had been trying to get to know each other on their after-marriage dates.

' _Those brief glimpses of softness from her had actually managed to make me think that we could work out in the long run. So much for my supposed genius.'_

"Why are you acting as if I chose _you_ on purpose? It was done for me by my parents." Who still liked Yoshino more than him, and always scolded him for not treating her better. He gave her a room so they wouldn't have to share, her own allowance to do whatever she wanted with it, he didn't touch her unless she requested it and basically caved into her incessant demands all the damn time just to stop the screaming. He even tried asking for her opinion on clan matters and listening to her wants, not that it did him any good. Somehow he always ended as the bad guy in those ' _talks'_. What else could he possibly do for her?

"Because their son was so lazy and a god damn disappointment in the dating scene that they had to intervene." Why was it so demeaning when a man decided that he didn't want to stick it in every person's pants all the time?

' _So I have standards, is that a crime?'_

"Are you seriously _blaming me_ for not wanting to _fuck_ other people enough?"

"Yes! That is exactly what I am doing! Maybe if you had, then you wouldn't be so _bad_ at it and be able to get me pregnant." And they were back to the root of the problem again. Grimacing at the memory of the last time they tried to have sex, Shikaku sighed through his nose in frustration. Yoshino was a lovely woman - _physically_ anyway - but obviously, she didn't understand that it takes more than a pretty figure to make him aroused. There was also the fact the constant look of disgust on her face whenever he tried to touch her, didn't make the whole act any more appealing.

"Just because I don't _like_ having sex with you doesn't make me _bad_ at it." He had another lover before her, and they never had a complaint about it. Pity the relationship part didn't work out.

Shikaku had bent to Yoshino's every whim and desire in the bedroom, yet nothing could satisfy her demands. All they did was leave him feeling cold and even more dissatisfied after the fact; not at all helped by the fact that she criticized him all the way through it, and even after they had reached release.

"See! That right there! How can you _not_ like sex? Every man likes sex!"

' _Oh for fuck's sake.'_ Standing up to reach the fridge, Shikaku began to pray that they had at least one sake bottle left.

"That is a gross stereotype. Don't lower your IQ like that Yoshino. You can't afford it."

' _Nope. Not a single one survived hurricane Yoshino's purge.'_ When Yoshino is mad, his sake never survives the night. Looks like Shikaku would have to go to a bar tonight as well.

"Well _excuse me_ , Mr. Genius. It's a damn shame you aren't good at the one thing your clan requires from you." Her hand smacked the fridge hard as she sneered into his face, forcing the door to slam shut in the process.

"It's big enough that we could adopt one instead." He could already think of a few baby cousins who wouldn't be bad heir material. A little guidance, and a few years learning the political side, and the Clan would have a pretty decent heir to take over after him.

"Spoken like a true idiot who has no idea how it feels to be known as the wife of the Clan Head who failed at her one job." Stepping back from her space, Shikaku weighed the pros and cons of replying to that landmine. The shame and grief hiding in her gaze had him break his silence, as he tried to comfort her once more.

"You didn't fail."

"Then why does _everyone_ imply that I _did_?" The fragile, almost quiet despair made him more uncomfortable than any of her loud shrieks ever had.

' _Having a baby had never been this hard for previous Clan Heads. It's not like we're the first arranged marriage in the clan either…_ ' Sighing once more, Shikaku dragged his hand through his hair as a sense of frustration peeked out in his voice.

"Look...It's _not_ your fault. We just...don't match."

"No...no we don't...I know it's not my fault. I just, I can't keep doing this Shikaku. I don't like you. At all." The feeling was mutual on his end. Maybe once they could have grown to like each other, but after 3 years of trying and failing, Shikaku had reached the end of his rope.

"The feeling is mutual, you're far too troublesome." The wordless sound of rage from her lips startled him as he silently cursed himself for saying the wrong thing. _Again_.

"See? _That_ , right there. That is _irritating_. You just went apathetic. Again. _Feel_ something damn it!"

He wasn't a clone. Shikaku could feel just like everyone else. He visibly rolled his eyes to make his point as he slouched into the kitchen chair, too tired to stay standing after all of this.

"I am."

"No, you're _not_! You are just saying whatever you feel will make this conversation _end_ , and _nothing_ will get done. It was that fucking attitude that had your parents looking for someone like _me_ to get your ass into gear."

Now wasn't that just _insulting_. He had been a Jonin for over 5 years, been in his second year when he married Yoshino. He had been practically Clan Head since his promotion as well and had been doing a damn good job considering they had gotten more clout as a Clan after his actions in the war. Yet she still claimed he was failing so badly, at the one thing he had been trained for his entire life, to have to deal with someone like her because of it?

"I am _not_ a _child_ to be minded."

"Oh really? That's not how it feels like, being your god-damn _nanny_ for the last 3 years."

Snorting in dismissal at her ridiculous remark, Shikaku viciously thought that they would have to spend more time together for her to qualify his caretaker. Considering he had been taking as many missions as possible since their 2nd anniversary, and staying late at his office, he found her claims to be his minder to be dubious at best.

"First of all Yoshino, I never asked you to be my god-damn nanny. Second, we have barely seen each other in the last two years."

"Well, you never had to, did you? You just rolled over and took everything your parents and Clan have ever thrown at you, and look where that ended for me; stuck married to a lazy, drunk ass like you."

Shoving his hands in his pocket, Shikaku bit back a snarl at the taunting look on her face, as she continued to mock him with her pathetic imitations of his behaviour.

"Look at me, I'm the drunkard idiot who can't function without a drink in his hand by 8 in the morning."

"Oh yes, because a short-tempered banshee, like you, is such a catch, Yoshino." Standing up from the chair, Shikaku wondered if she would respect his space if he left the room.

' _Oh, who am I kidding. I am a man, I don't get to have my own personal space in her eyes.'_

"At least I don't bury my feelings by drinking myself stupid! Have you ever been entirely sober since you fucking married me?!"

Grimacing as her voice grew shrill enough to crack the glass, Shikaku decided enough was enough and left the room.

"Don't flatter yourself. You alone would not push me to drink," he said, as he paused at the door of the living room to gaze into the room.

Even now, months after the war, he still couldn't stop smelling the sweat and metallic scent of lightning in the air. His mouth filled with the taste of blood as the day seemed to darken, and the world wavered like a genjutsu snapping into place. The war hadn't ended when there were still corpses wherever he looked.

"And yet, _I_ have to deal with it. Every day of my fucking life for the last 3 years!" Grasping the handle of his kunai in shock, Shikaku stilled his shadow from instinctively spearing his suicidal wife, who thought it a good idea to invade his space and yell into his ear.

"What do you _want_ from me, woman?" Leaning away from her shorter body, Shikaku hated how she continued to follow him around, invading his space on fucking purpose.

"Oh, am I _actually_ being asked what I want? Is this my birthday?"

' _Does she never shut up?'_ He thought uncharitably, speeding up his pace as he made his way to the entrance of the house.

"You melodramatic woman, just get to the point already." The quicker she said what she had clearly wanted to say since the beginning, the sooner he could leave and just ignore her for the rest of the day.

"You want my point? Fine! I'll give you my point! I want a _divorce_." The words hung between them as he turned around to look at her straight in the eyes.

"...Is that even allowed?" He clearly remembered signing the papers that stated it was a for-life agreement. Though considering how drunk he got by the end of the night, maybe he had managed to miss a clause?

' _If I find out we could have been divorced a long time ago-'_ Taking another breath, Shikaku stepped away as Yoshino made a strange noise in disbelief.

"Are you _fucking_ -Ugh. _Yes_ , Shikaku. That _is_ allowed. After all, I haven't been able to give your pathetic ass an heir in the last 3 years."

' _Was there a time limit to the damn thing? Damn, just how much did I drink to forget that detail?'_

"The contract..."

"You forgot how old I was, didn't you? _Figures_. Should I even bother to ask if you know what year it is as well, or are you too tipsy right now?"

' _I am entirely too sober to deal with her right now.'_ Mentally calculating if he had enough money was in his wallet, he crouched down to slip on his sandals and deerskin jacket.

"No need to be so _charming_ on my behalf. _Please_ continue by stating your demands."

' _So I can go get a much-needed bit of medicine to process all of this later.'_ He sourly thought.

"I was supposed to give you an heir by my 20th birthday. I'm twenty, not pregnant, and there is no way I am suffering through the agony of dealing with your quick, unsatisfying attempts at sex for the next few months just to say I _really_ have tried to have your kid."

"It's not like you were the most helpful in getting me aroused enough to even want sex with you."

' _Honestly, the number of times our 'talks' go back to sex is astounding. It's not like it's the be-all, end-all of a relationship, so why so much focus on it?'_

"Don't try and hide, you weak, _defective_ man. _I'm_ the unfortunate person who was stuck with a _broken_ man who doesn't want to have sex like any other normal human being."

' _Oh enough with this shit. Fuck you too Yoshino.'_ Straightening his spine, Shikaku loomed over her as he growled into her face.

"Fine. Have your divorce. Whatever."

" _This_. It is this _stupid ass_ attitude that fucked my life over. Why don't you think about others for once in your goddamn privileged existence, and _pick_ another woman to marry? Before you ruin whichever next poor unfortunate soul our Clan decides to throw at you next."

' _This woman refuses to shut up no matter what. I would be impressed if it wasn't so fucking_ _ **annoying**_ _.'_

"Are you asking me to cheat on you?" At the very least Shikaku could claim to have remained faithful through their entire marriage. No matter how bad it got, he never turned to another for sexual or romantic release.

"Don't flatter yourself. I would actually have to give a damn to feel cheated on and have a relationship worth the name. And frankly _my dear_ , you're hardly worth any of that."

"Fucking woman." Loyalty was the highest praise a ninja could give their spouse. Fuck _love_ , love came and went like the seasons, but loyalty was the cornerstone of their way of life. To have her mock his respect for her… Looks like he would have to look into and see if _she_ had remained faithful. Maybe an affair could speed up this divorce process.

"You better not be leaving to get piss ass drunk again."

Plugging his ear again at her insistent yammering, he disabled the traps by the door.

"Why do you care?"

"Unlike _you_ , I actually clean this house my-goddamn-self, and if you think I'll take you, smelling like a goddamn brewery, stepping through those doors when you're done feeling sorry for yourself or whatever bullshit you have made yourself believe, then you have another thing coming."

' _Fine then. Choza's couch it is.'_

"Troublesome."

"Yes, yes I am. Just go stay with your noisy teammates. I bet you already bitch enough about me to them anyway. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you preferred being someone else's bitch, considering how lacklustre you are at being anything but an unambitious lump."

' _Could she just stop with the sex already?'_ Breaking the handle on the door, Shikaku ignored her shrieks of outrage at the property damage; as if they didn't have enough money to fix it.

"Just _shut_ your goddamn mouth. I've heard _enough_." There were at least 10 clansmen in hearing distance. Once he opened the door, the silencing seals would fall and everyone would hear their argument.

' _Question is, do I care enough to air my dirty laundry?'_

"Clearly not if I have to repeat myself, over and over!" she continued, not taking a single breath during her entire rant.

"I won't be back tonight."

"Praise the gods! I might actually be able to get some satisfaction tonight, considering I have been cursed with a husband who can't do even that right."

' _Nope. I don't give a fucking damn.'_ Throwing the door open, Shikaku ignored the startled looks being thrown their way as he gave his _dear wife_ the middle finger.

Ignoring her screams of outrage, Shikaku slouched his way out of the Nara compound and into the bustling evening streets. There were at least two bars running a special on drinks tonight. Maybe after a few shots, he'd be able to get rid of the pounding headache dealing with the nagging harpy always gave him.

* * *

Sunlight rained down onto his face as Shikaku groaned in agony. There was only one asshole suicidal enough to piss him off after one of his drinking binges first thing in the morning.

"Good morning Sunshine! Don't _you_ look as fresh as a daisy and ten years younger." An annoyingly cheerful voice chirped by his ear as a flash of rusted gold hair brushed his face.

"Fuck off Inoichi."

"Is that any way to talk to the man who brought you breakfast?" A delicious smell wafted to his nose, as Shikaku thought about the pros and cons of turning around and trying to eat anything heavy after the amount of puking he did last night.

"We both know you can't cook for shit."

"How rude. Choza, I don't think Shikaku is ready for your delicious cooking just yet." The soft footsteps of his other friend echoed in the mostly silent room; Inoichi's very presence screamed attention, regardless if he said anything or not.

"Leave him alone Inoichi, he drank into the early hours yesterday." Shikaku groaned in slight embarrassment as he recalled showing up drunk as a skunk onto his friend's doorstep. Luckily no one else had spotted him sneaking in, so Choza wouldn't be in too much trouble for lending him his couch.

"Well, it's not my fault he made stupid life choices _again_. Why shouldn't I laugh at him?" Throwing one of his pillows at the fucking peacock, Shikaku smirked at the small cry of outrage as it smacked him straight in the face.

"I hate you. You're a horrible teammate. Go away." Burying his face into the remaining pillow, Shikaku mentally sighed as the blonde flopped on the couch and shoved him over to lay his legs on him.

"In all seriousness Shikaku, what the fuck happened." The harder tone in his friend's voice had Shikaku cracking an eye open, and he saw Choza leaning against the back of the couch in concern.

"...It's a long story."

"We have the day off," Choza replied, taking a sip of the black tar he dared call coffee. Who would have guessed that his old friend enjoyed his coffee so dark and bitter?

Sighing in annoyance, Shikaku flopped onto his back and covered his eyes with his arm as he rehashed the disaster that was his day yesterday. The silence that followed the end of his tale didn't exactly help his mood either.

"I'm glad that you two are divorcing. I haven't seen you happy in a long time Shikaku... but she _does_ have a point."

He didn't want to hear it. Shikaku intellectually knew that Yoshino's arguments came from very valid places, but he hated actually admitting how much he had fucked up. He wasn't perfect, but gods know she wasn't either; why should he take all the blame?

Glaring at the remark, Shikaku hid a wince as Inoichi kicked him in the back.

"Stop being such a drama queen. You can't deny your drinking has become more...Well, _more_ these last few months."

' _Oh for fucks sake.'_

"I need it." He retorted, glancing up at Choza as he leaned further over him.

"No Shikaku, you really don't. At least not to the extent that you're consuming on a daily basis."

His friend looked so damn upset as he stared down at him, that it caused Shikaku to bite back a cruel remark in defence.

"Yesterday was just an off day" He excused, waving a hand dismissively.

"You've been having too many off days these past two years." Inoichi snapped, kicking him again in the lower back as Shikaku turned away from him.

"A war happened." He sniped back, completely done with being cornered like this.

"I know, I was there."

"Not everyone has a support system like you two." Shikaku grouched, completely over this conversation and just wanting to sleep in peace.

"We care about you," Choza remarked, looking down at Shikaku's face with that goddamn sad face.

"Then respect my decision and fuck off." He muttered, feeling himself slowly weakening at his team's insistence. They all knew they were the only ones he listened to, so this tag-team against him wasn't fair.

"It's affecting your work." Inoichi kicked him again, frustrating Shikaku enough to look at Inoichi's face.

"Shut your mouth. No one has gotten hurt because of me." He might drink like a fish, but he had never been so irresponsible to go on a mission _drunk_.

"Then why were you passed up from taking the Jonin Commander position?"

Shikaku swallowed loudly as Choza's voice seemed to echo in the silence. He can't deny that his drinking was one of the reasons he was looked over.

"We know you had been eyeing the job, and it's not like you're not qualified." Inoichi continued, yanking on Shikaku's leg to get his attention.

Brown eyes met green as Shikaku felt himself mutter defensively. "This and that has nothing to do with each other."

"That's not what the report said." The blond rebuked, acting worse than a dog with a bone.

"Motherfucker, Inoichi, why do you always have to snoop." He groaned, leaning back into the couch in exasperation.

"Because I give a damn when one of my best friends is slowly poisoning himself to the point that it's affecting his life."

"We have something we want you to try, Shikaku," Choza said, placing a colourful piece of paper by his head.

"I am not going cold turkey." Shikaku had tried that once, early on in his marriage as he tried to make it work with Yoshino. That had backfired spectacularly in his face.

"Please, don't insult us. As if that would ever work." Kicking him once more, Shikaku grabbed the blonde's offending leg and trapped it between his arms.

"Inoichi's cousin is helping a coworker run a small program for addicts at the hospital." Choza sighed, always stuck being the relatively mature one between the three of them.

"What? So people are just spilling their life stories to each other? Getting better through the 'power of friendship', and all that tripe?" The Will of Fire only did so much when it came to mental health. Unfortunately for everyone else, Shikaku didn't trust strangers so easily that he spilled his life story in minutes after meeting them.

"No, you ass. They are getting therapists, and are being sorted in rank appropriate groups so the least amount of information leakage occurs." Inoichi smacked him in the other leg as he tried to pull his leg out of Shikaku's arms.

' _Smart. Still don't want to do it.'_

"Sounds too civilian. No thanks," he complained, knowing if he showed a hint of interest it was over.

"My cousin is ANBU. There is little you can't tell them that they wouldn't be able to understand. Plus, it helps to see you're not the only one struggling."

' _Inoichi is really stuck on this, isn't he. Ugh, he's really not gonna let up at all.'_ Eyeing the pamphlet by his head, Shikaku wondered if he could rip it to shreds without them noticing.

"So I should show everyone how fucking _weak_ I am?"

"Don't be difficult. This is an anonymous program. Your name won't even be on the books. Just your generic last name."

"... ... ..." Caving under their expectant looks, he reached out and glanced over the folded paper.

' _It has a lot of images for a program that's supposed to be catering to ninja.'_ Still, he couldn't deny that it looked more interesting than any other pamphlet he had seen so far.

"Shikaku please, just _think_ about it ok?" And there was the final nail on the coffin. Choza's sad face was a lethal thing on its own, but add in that worried look, and Shikaku found all his fighting spirit leave him in an instant.

"...Fine. But only because I really wanted that position." He grouched.

"You trying is all we ask." Shikaku huffed as Choza gave a little smile in return.

"For now." Inoichi snarked, always wanting to have the last word.

' _What a fucking attention whore.'_ He mused, kicking his friend in the thigh.

"Inoichi shut up." Shikaku complained, completely done with his teammates and their nosey ways.

"Not on your life."

* * *

Please leave your thoughts, comments, questions or concerns below!


	2. Chapter 1

Note: A big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story! I do have some more chapters already written up so expect some weekly updates for a little while. 

* * *

" _ **And in fragmented darkness,**_

_**I knew that his lunar smile** _

_**would captivate the moon** _

_**and always be the reason** _

_**for my soul's eclipse"** _

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"And you're done for the day, Saito-san. Thank you for visiting the Leaf Palm Spa."

Cleaning up the oil from the elderly man's back, Hakaze smiled as he sat up, groaning in relief as he flexed his muscles. It was always nice to see people appreciate her hard work.

"Oof! Goodness you certainly do have magical hands, don't you Hanae-chan? My back has never felt better."

' _How does one go about correcting an entire Company and their clients? I really wish the boss hadn't promoted my services with that name. How do you get Hanae from Hakaze, anyway?'_ Smiling as he left to get dressed behind the screen, she quickly cleaned up the space and mentally noted which oils needed replenishing. A soft clack of Saito-san's sandals had her turning around and giving a polite bow to her customer.

"Please come back again."

"Of course! How could I not visit my favourite massage therapist? Though it's a shame you don't work here full-time Hanae-chan. Do you want me to put in a good word for you to the boss? He and I go way back!"

Saito seemed to find something about this funny, as he started to laugh loudly in a proud manner. Hakaze wondered how often she would have to answer this question; this was the third time he had asked her.

' _It's Hakaze, I told you this at the beginning of the session. And no, I don't, even if you're trying to be kind. What I want is to get my hours back at the hospital, instead of being subtly punished for trying to do something about helping the mental health of our own damn comrades. Fucking Danzo'._

"Thank you for your kind words, but I'm afraid I have another job I also enjoy." While she had not initially chosen her career for the passion of it, and it could be grueling and thankless, she _did_ enjoy working at the hospital. Seeing a patient get better, managing to bring some form of happiness to their loved ones, always made the dark days worth it.

"Well...If you're sure. See you again at our next appointment!" Hakaze smiled a bit more genuinely as he left; civilians always were an interesting bunch to work with.

' _It's interesting to think I was kinda like them to, once upon a time. Though…_ _considering how old-fashioned this world is, maybe the old me would fit somewhere between the two groups?'_

Absently thinking about the divisions between the different social groupings once again, Hakaze smiled cheerfully as her other coworkers called out to her, as she made her way through the hall.

"Great work Hanae-chan!"

 _Thank you, but it's Hakaze.'_ '

"We got lots of good reviews again today Hanae-chan."

' _That is great news! And my name is Hakaze.'_

"Boss wants to see you before you leave ok Hanae-chan?"

' _Odd… Why didn't he say anything when I saw him earlier? Also, for the love of the gods,_ _ **my name is Hakaze**_ _!'_

"Yes, I hear you. Thank you, everyone, for your hard work." Bowing politely at her coworkers, Hakaze grinned as everyone said goodbye. It was a little frustrating that no one could get her name right…but they weren't bad people. Sighing softly, she paused to take a look at herself in one of the many mirrors by the wall.

Hair dyed brown, makeup hiding the sea of freckles on her face and a little bit of makeup to make her eyes wider, and cheeks more defined. ' _Hair styled a little differently, add in the Spa uniform, and no one would guess I was the purple-haired medic-nin working on the Addiction Program.'_

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Hakaze pondered about the number of little things that had been building up since she managed to get the program the green light.

' _Fucking Danzo, making my life difficult just because I actually give a damn about things like therapy, mental health, and support groups.'_ Maybe it was _technically_ better that she wasn't using her _actual_ name, but it was different when she hadn't originally intended to use a pseudonym.

' _Now, to figure out what the boss wants and go home to bake! I saw a great sale on some flour on my way over, so maybe I can make myself a proper Ginger-Glazed Lemon Bundt tonight.'_ Mentally drooling at the thought, Hakaze silently cheered as she saw her boss, Tanaka-san sitting in the Spa's garden space.

"Oh? Hanae-chan, what are you doing so late here?"

' _Oh, I should just give up.'_ Twitching slightly at the remark, she reminded herself to stay calm and figure out what was going on.

"You asked for me, sir?" She prompted the old man, keeping her smile professional.

"Did I? Haha! Where is my mind these days… Now, what did I want you for?" Tanaka-san gave her a clueless look as he tilted his head in thought, voice trailing off as he gazed into the distance. The minutes slowly passed as he hummed softly until the sun was setting and Hakaze had to wonder if there would be any flour left by the time she left here.

' _Calm down, Hakaze. Don't work yourself up. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three, four, five.'_

"Ah yes! Your paycheque! Good job again Hanae-chan! Please come by Monday to pick up your schedule for next weekend. Have a good night."

Huffing softly in exasperation, she gave Tanaka-san a soft smile as he beamed happily at her.

"Thank you, sir."

* * *

Taking a deep whiff of the smell of her lemon bundt, Hakaze set it to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, as she took out the homemade ginger glaze and sugared cranberries.

' _Nothing beats stress baking after a long day at work.'_ Smiling cheerfully at the spread of confectionery, Hakaze paused at the sound of a soft meow from the window. Staring at her from the darkness of her window, were two glowing yellow orbs.

"Oh! Ko-kun! What are you doing here?" Opening the window, Hakaze giggled as the large cat headbutted her chin and made himself comfortable on her table.

' _Who would have guessed that this world would have Maine Coons? At least I'm pretty sure he's a Maine Coon cat.'_ Pulling out a small fish, she quickly descaled it and sliced it into small bite-size pieces. A loud purr filled the silence as she placed the plate of fish by the cat.

"Here you go, Ko-kun! Goodness, don't you look gorgeous today?" She adored cats, ever since she was small. She had never had one as a pet though, not even when she had lived on her own back in the other world. No apartment she could afford back then would allow pets, even if she could have found the time for a cat.

' _Course, Kohaku-kun isn't a pet either.'_ Nin-animals were always very sensitive about that designation, no matter how much they enjoyed being pampered. Washing her hands thoroughly, she grinned at the happy _mwerp_ noises her friend was making as he ate.

"Ne, Ko-kun? Want to hear some music?" Laughing at his condescending nod, Hakaze focused on the tune and lyrics in her mind. Pulling a little bit of chakra around her, she bled it back into the air as the music began to fill the room.

' _Man do I miss those live Upbeat Lo-fi Hip Hop Mixes; the perfect thing to pop on for background noise while baking.'_ Bobbing her head, she drizzled the homemade glaze over the cake, making sure to have it seep into the curved layers made from the pan. Adding the sugared cranberries as the _pièce de résistance_ , Hakaze grinned at another successful baking experiment.

" _Et voilà!_ What do you think, Ko-kun? Looks yummy?" The cat just tilted its head at her before turning back to his fish.

"Not your taste huh? Well no worries, I'm sure some of my coworkers and patients at the hospital will like a bite." Cutting it up into smaller pieces, she gently placed them in some bento boxes. The Addict Program always liked it when she left some snacks during their meetings, even if some of them didn't trust their poison detection enough to try her baking. Luckily there was one tomorrow for her to leave these treats at.

Marking each box with sticky notes, Hakaze made sure to double-check on how many boxes she had. Sometimes, a few would go missing and she'd find them empty in her cupboards. Damn Danzo, no one else would go to the trouble of making her embarrassed to be short of a box when a ninja actually asked for a serving.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, Hakaze wondered if Yamanaka-san would have time to chat tomorrow. She did her best, but even in her past life, she hadn't studied therapy itself. Mental health awareness and self-care steps were more of her thing.

' _So many courses...I'm glad Yamanaka-san got involved. If they hadn't, who knows if my program would even survive all of the scrutinies from the hospital and the board.'_ Making sure to save a large piece for them, Hakaze dug into her own slice, slightly adjusting the volume of the technique as she sat to enjoy her treat.

A few hours later, Hakaze kissed her furry friend goodbye as the cat bristled in embarrassment.

"Have a good night Ko-kun. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" A soft bop on her nose from the sheepish animal, had her giggle with fond affection; he was too adorable.

Humming to herself softly, Hakaze failed to sense the masked intruders who made their way into her kitchen and snuck two bento boxes from the fridge. A slight scuffle between other masked people commenced on her rooftop as she got ready to get into bed. Taking off her makeup, Hakaze shrugged as she left her dyed brown hair alone. She could deal with it in the morning.

' _I hope tomorrow goes well. I'll ask Nakamura-san if they can give me more hours this week. Surely Danzo's punished me long enough?'_

Sighing in contentment, she drifted off to sleep as a ninja was thrown off her roof.

* * *

" _Ehh?! You stopped watching it? Why?"_

" _It got too long without it actually doing anything! Plus the manga stopped advancing too, and you know I don't have a very long attention span for this."_

" _But it's finally finished! Aren't you gonna finish it?"_

" _Nope."_

" _But! But! We finally got to see the 4th Hokage and Danzo has been revealed to be the root of all evil."_

" _..Isn't that taking away any agency the villains had?"_

" _I'm serious! Every single modern villain was somehow influenced into being bad, or became worse, because of Danzo! He is the rot in the root, the poison in the soul, the -"_

" _I get it, he's the devil himself. So ...what then? Everyone else got bitch smacked into listening to the Power of Friendship speech and became good guys?"_

" _Eh, pretty much. There are a few exceptions, but even then that's debatable."_

" _Now I definitely don't want to watch it or read it. What's the point if your villains never face the consequences or get their just desserts?"_

" _Noo! You have to! The fillers are so good!"_

" _Who are you, and what have you done to my friend? In what world are fillers any good? They're cash cow stalling tactics!"_

" _But these ones actually add depth! We get to see Shino and his bugs laugh, learn more about the Clans, and really cool people are introduced."_

" _And I bet we never see them, ever again, after their one episode to shine."_

" _So? They're still fun. Plus we get our own zombie apocalypse too."_

" _...You're kidding me right?"_

" _Everyone dies and aliens invade! Am I making you curious?"_

" _No. You and your trolling ways won't convince me to slog through so many chapters and episodes on a series that grew more and more disappointing with their representation of women and Sasuke obsession. The one thing they had going for them was their antagonists, and now you're telling me they couldn't get even that right? Hell to the No."_

" _Come on! You'll like it, I promise. Let's order some pizza and have a Naruto Marathon this weekend!"_

" _How about this, you order the pizza and we watch some episodes of Bleach or something else instead."_

" _But ninjas and the zombie apocalypse!"_

" _My couch, my rules. Now let's go."_

* * *

Sunlight streamed into her room as a few tears rolled down her face and onto her pillow. Running a hand through her tangled locks, Hakaze wondered if maybe she shouldn't have eaten her cake before going to bed.

' _Who would have guessed I would remember that memory?'_ Chuckling ruefully, she pulled herself out of her bed and towards the bathroom.

' _But how could I have guessed my life would depend on how much I remember about Naruto?'_ The world could at least have her reborn into a Clan or give her a kekkei genkai or something! She should have had some compensation after being thrown into such a disaster show.

A mess of brown hair stood out in her reflection, while her abundant freckles clashed against her pale skin. Narrowing her eyes at herself in the mirror, which made her look pretty vicious, she prayed that they wouldn't be so red by the time she got to work.

' _The last thing I need is people whispering that I got my heart broken and cried myself to sleep last night.'_ She was sick of people thinking that because she was so plain looking, she got rejected every time a man talked to her and then walked away.

' _What's wrong with freckles anyway?'_

Having a quick shower, she took out the brown hair dye and brushed her lilac-purple hair out before braiding it into a french bun - though could she still call it that if France didn't exist here? - before she tied her hitai-ate on her upper arm as she finished putting on her uniform.

Grabbing the bento boxes from the fridge, she narrowed her eyes as she recounted them again; two were missing. Rummaging through her cupboard, she found them stored where the other bento boxes are usually kept.

' _Not again! Fucking Danzo. I need to invest in some more traps by the window, he's clearly doing this to fuck with me.'_

Breathing in through her nose as she tried to calm down, Hakaze grabbed the boxes before locking up and beginning to roof jump all the way to the hospital.

Making it in record time, Hakaze waved to a few of her senpai as she set up the room for the Addiction Program Group A.

"Looks like we have a few new members." Grinning at the concrete proof that her program was worth fighting for, Hakaze prayed the new members managed to finish and succeed in rehabilitation.

' _Let's see, looks like we have someone named Ito-san and a Nara-san joining us today.'_

Placing her bento boxes filled with treats to the side, Hakaze finished setting up the room as Yamanaka-san came into the room. Exchanging a smile, Hakaze made her way to her makeshift station as the receptionist for the program.

' _It looks like it's going to be a good day.'_ Placing a pen on the sign-in board, she sat back and waited for the members to start arriving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave your thoughts, comments, questions or concerns below!


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: A big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story!

"And in fragmented darkness,

I knew that his lunar smile

would captivate the moon

and always be the reason

for my soul's eclipse."

* * *

Chapter 2

* * *

"We'll come to pick you up after it's done." Rolling his eyes at the childishness of his friends, Shikaku wondered just how bad he had gotten to get this kind of treatment from them.

"I'm not a child Inoichi." he grouched, pinching the cartilage of his nose lightly in frustration.

"No, but you _are_ our teammate Shikaku." Damnit, Choza still had that worried look.

"Yes, plus my dear cousin made it clear that you would need support after this." The fact that Inoichi refused to say their name made Shikaku feel very suspicious about this whole thing. His friend never did anything without a reason. In fact, there was nothing Inoichi didn't love more than getting a kick at people reacting to shit they wouldn't be comfortable with.

' _He's an asshole like that. No matter how much he tries to rationalize it by claiming that it's in that uncomfortableness that he sees the mettle of people.'_

"Troublesome, what kind of support will I need after playing civie?" The pamphlet had mentioned both an educational aspect and a communication aspect, neither of which sounded appealing to him at all. He had slept through most of the Academy and still managed to get the same score every time, so he clearly didn't need to be lectured at.

' _And talking about feelings? I haven't done any of that since I was a genin...'_ Memories flickered of his sensei dying on the battlefield, losing team members with every completed mission, the smell of lightning shooting among the ninja wire and kunai. ' _And all those screams and cries as they breathed their last breaths…'_

"Just...try Shikaku. Please?" Choza's steady hand on his shoulder, brought Shikaku back to his friends as they both looked a little more worried at him.

Sighing loudly he rubbed his hands over his face as he muttered quietly, "Fine."

* * *

The entrance was by the east side, a less known one and usually used for the patients dealing with physical rehabilitation. A garden and lake was visible from there, and had a small training ground for light exercises and sparring.

Sighing through his nose, Shikaku continued forward, noting the doors creaked from lack of oiling - perhaps there was lack of money or not enough staff available for the upkeep? - and a makeshift reception had been created near the doors.

A young woman sat at the reception, and was clearly a shinobi about his age; her chakra coils spoke of at least chunin level, and the cuts on her hand showed she favoured chakra strings and was good with a knife.

' _Yet her palms look smooth as if she oiled them and minimized signs of heavy callusing on the regular. Did she go undercover recently?'_ Ninja in general didn't care to hide their callouses like that unless trying to pass for a civilian. Her clothes were typical of the hospital staff, yet it didn't fit her properly, giving her a younger look. Her face was perfectly symmetrical, a pleasing feature that should have gotten her attention, yet the sea of freckles that peppered her skin might cause less observant shinobi to not look twice at her. Narrow, upturned, pitch-black eyes sat above the freckles, a common enough colour, though her hair was anything but common. Freshly washed, no obvious scent, and an interesting light purple colour that seemed to be entirely natural.

Her frame was lightly muscled, yet her manner of walking betrayed that she was more flexible than she looked. Now that he was closer, he could see that the scars on her visible skin spoke of close-range hits, yet the cuts of chakra strings from her fingers spoke of long-range.

' _A short and long-ranged fighter? That's not very common at her rank.'_ She smiled politely as he signed in, no recognition in her eyes nor a change in her posture.

Dismissing her from the mind, just another person who could fade into the background of his life, he stepped into the program room where a few other shinobi were already seated. Sometimes Shikaku really did hate his brain for picking up every little detail.

' _Arranged marriage, blood status, trauma from the war and grief of losing a partner.'_ Sighing internally, he avoided the other's curious gazes as he lazily walked to an empty chair. Making himself comfortable in a well-shaded seat, Shikaku held back a wince as he spotted Inoichi's cousin.

' _Of course, Yamanaka_ _ **Haruka**_ _.'_ Biting back a curse, Shikaku scolded himself for not realizing Inoichi meant _her_. The chairs had all filled up by the point that she had gotten herself some coffee and taken a bite from the oddest looking pastry he had ever seen.

' _It smells like lemon and ginger? What a peculiar combination. Choza hasn't mentioned any new bakery or pastry line recently. Does the hospital have a new chef?'_

Haruka-san relaxed slightly as she ate her slice, eyes half-masted in bliss as she savoured every morsel.

"Feel free to take a snack and have some tea or coffee before we begin. The founder of this program enjoys bringing homemade treats to all of the group members."

Curiosity peaked, Shikaku noticed the other members exchange a look before walking over to try it.

' _This sounds like the start of a bad joke; A half Uchiha, a Kurama, an Inuzuka and an Aburame all walk into an Alcohol Addiction Program.'_ Huffing in amusement, Shikaku also noted that all of them were fellow Jonin. Taking a slice of the odd cake, he quickly tested it for poison, before being satisfied that nothing harmful had been added to it. ' _Though if I missed something, I'm in the hospital. And I'd get out of this permanently if I did get poisoned by the founder.'_

Sitting back down Shikaku amused himself with stealthy noting which of their group positively adored the slice, and which were too puzzled by the combination to decide if they loved it yet or not. Taking a bite of his own, Shikaku hid his moan of pleasure. It wasn't as sweet as he had thought it would be. Instead, it was tart in flavour, with a wondrous blend of spices and a hint of sugar to offset the acidness of the lemon.

Finishing it far faster than he had expected, Shikaku felt his mood was now ten times more agreeable than when he first entered.

' _Not a bad tactic for getting us to lower our guard. Well played Haruka-san.'_

Unfortunately for Shikaku, that slice of cake was the last truly pleasurable thing in the meeting; it appeared Haruka-san had gotten an in-depth education by the medic-nin on the topic, and learned to fuse it masterfully with her previous career as an interrogator. She deduced and pinpointed every silent concern many of the men and women had that might have been affected with alcoholism, but never brought it up as a point of attack. Instead, Haruka-san casually slid it in during her little educational talk about the damages it could cause to the body; with or without chakra.

' _Though there was that odd pause with the Aburame…'_ Perhaps Shikaku wouldn't be so bored. He could already tell that the Inuzuka noticed something, and the Kurama woman seems to have been watching the man since he first sat down. _Interesting_.

"In short, it builds up, and your chakra helps you push the effects down short term instead of eliminating the build-up. If you suffer from chakra exhaustion, the medic on hand might not be able to save you. And should you lack enough chakra during the battle, the buildup will no longer be suppressed, weakening you even further, causing you to be a risk for not only your teammates but the mission."

' _Oh, she's good.'_ Shikaku thought, completely impressed and annoyed that the woman had managed to hit the two things every Konoha ninja feared to be; another _Hatake Sakumo_. A risk to the mission and a risk to the team.

"I don't need to tell you how valuable you all are to the village. Or how much we allow Jonin to get away with. However, when you start becoming a risk for the village, then of course we have to step in. Welcome to the Support group ladies and gentlemen. Prepare yourselves, this will not be an easy program." Staring at the blonde's smirking face, Shikaku wondered if he would get kicked out if he threw his plate at her.

' _What a family of fucking drama queens.'_

* * *

"Please stand here Nara-san. I will be taking in your weight." Well, this program must be very small and not as well funded if the receptionist doubled as the medic-nin. Shikaku wondered if it would be cancelled before he even finished the damn thing.

"Don't you already have my chart?" He knew he had a check-up a few months ago, surely that was enough?

' _Don't tell me I have to go through the entire exam again? What pain.'_ Slouching upwards he made his way in front of the scale, wondering if she wanted him to strip in front of her.

"We are creating a base point so we can monitor your detox during this process. Please take off your jacket, you can leave your shirt on if it makes you more comfortable."

' _Now what an odd thing to say.'_ He thought, raising his eyebrow at her polite smile.

' _Most medic-nin only make children, civilian women and seniors comfortable. Kunoichi were always the exception of course, but for this one to let me keep my shirt on regardless of how it may hamper her….Curious.'_

She continued to narrate what she was doing to him step by step and asked for permission before touching him or using a jutsu on him. Any other medic-nin would just scold him for being difficult or get someone who could bully him into compliance. They were the bane of the shinobi force, as much as they were it's saviours, because of their attitude.

' _Yet no one thinks to question why so many of us just check ourselves out and leave the moment when we are physically able.'_ Intrigued by her professional yet odd manner, Shikaku found the exam to be over quicker than expected.

"That will be all for today Nara-san. We will do a follow up after the next session, though less intensive than today." Giving him a perfect bow, she made her way to another room to do the same to the Kurama. She seemed just as weirded out as he had been as the purple-haired medic-nin began to narrate what she was doing and why to the slowly calming Jonin.

Making his way out of the hospital, Shikaku paused as he passed the makeshift reception.

' _The smell of lemon and ginger is strong here. Strange, why didn't I notice it before?'_ Peering over the desk, he spotted a small brown bag where a bundle of familiar-looking bento boxes were tied up neatly.

' _So… The founder of this little program is the receptionist and our medic-nin. Interesting.'_ Smirking softly at the number of curiosities he had come across in just one morning to keep himself entertained, Shikaku silently admitted that perhaps this wouldn't be the waste of time he had originally thought.

* * *

"Well? How did it go?" These jerks, they _actually_ came to pick him up like a damn Academy brat. Inoichi looked stupid, grinning at him like that. Acting all innocent and shit.

"You asshole. Why didn't you tell me _Haruka_ was the ' _cousin'_ you kept mentioning?" He knew perfectly well that he avoided her if at all possible at Clan meetings, so why the hell would he attend a program like this with her in charge?

"Because I knew you would be a pain in the ass and try to wiggle out of it without even giving it a chance." He smirked, clearly taking pleasure from his discomfort.

' _This freaking sadist.'_ He internally grumbled.

"He has a point. You never did like interacting with her, even at Clan meetings." Choza, at least, looked a little more worried that he would stop going with Haruka there. There were at least fifteen bags of snacks in the nearby garbage.

' _He had been stress eating his least favourite flavours during the whole meeting? Choza…'_ Turning his face to the side, Shikaku just tsked in annoyance at Inoichi's pleased look.

"Don't try and weasel out of the answer Shika." If the blonde felt he could tease him like this, then he obviously knew that Shikaku would return. Choza slowly relaxed as he took in their postures, the wrinkles smoothing from his forehead.

"It was...interesting." He muttered, starting to walk away to the nearest restaurant. It was way past noon and he had no intention of going back home to eat something in the Nara compound.

' _Knowing my luck, I'll run into Yoshino or my parents.'_ He wasn't in the mood for a screaming or condescending lecture, thank you very much.

"Oh? …What did you notice?" Shikaku relaxed as Choza smiled down at them. It really was like being back in the Academy again, with Inoichi constantly pestering him with his need to know everything.

' _A puzzle and a mystery to make things interesting for a while.'_

Shikaku didn't know to be a peacetime ninja. It was boring and odd to not constantly be on call to throw himself into a hot zone on the front. But, maybe this would keep his interest enough till he could get the Jonin Commander position.

"What, you don't think the program made me see the error of my ways and is just that good?" He snarked, biting back a grin at Inoichi's offended face. He really did make riling him up too easy.

"No. At least, not after one session." Choza said, stepping in between the two as he steered them to an Akimichi owned barbeque place nearby. Pausing their conversation as they were seated in a more private booth, Choza activated the privacy seals as they waited for their meat to cook.

"So?" Inoichi grumbled. The bastard had already picked up a lot from Shikaku's tone and body posture, but apparently, that wasn't enough.

' _And people think_ _ **I'm**_ _creepy. Clearly, they have been fooled by Inoichi's friendly face.'_ The man had already figured out that their waiter was having an affair with another patron, and that the waitress attending the other group beside them was showing signs of early pregnancy.

"Hmmm, no, I don't think I'll tell you." Smirking at Choza's burst of laughter at his words, Shikaku avoided Inoichi's chopsticks, as the blonde menace tried to steal his meat in retaliation.

"Shikaku! You can't bring it up and then not tell me, you bastard!" His over the top dramatics had Shikaku relaxing because it meant his friend wasn't really upset and silently agreed to let Shikaku deal with whatever he had noticed.

' _My marriage might be shit, and my clan will probably throw me at some other woman soon after the divorce, but at least I still have these two to make life bearable.'_

"Now, now you two." Choza actually had the gall to say that while he stole half of their food during Shikaku and Inoichi's chopstick fight.

"Shikaku!" And of course, Inoichi would blame him for the whole mess.


	4. Chapter 3:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: A big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story!

"And in fragmented darkness,

I knew that his lunar smile

would captivate the moon

and always be the reason

for my soul's eclipse."

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

Watching the last member leave with a slightly confused air about them, Hakaze hoped that they all found the motivation to come back. Hearing Yamanaka-san step next to her, she turned to give her a smile.

"That went well don't you think?" Hakaze thought that having no one attempt to escape earlier, nor leave halfway was a positive sign.

"Hard to say. They'll definitely be back though probably not for the reason you want." Something about her tone of voice, caught Hakaze's attention, "Hopefully, as the sessions go by, true healing will be achieved."

"Eh? What other reason would they come back for?" Silence fell between them as Yamanaka-san thought about her answer, before giving her a gentle shake of the head.

' _Must be personal.'_ Hakaze rationalized. Clenching her hands tightly, she swore then and there that she would work twice as hard to ensure that this program would survive. There was a need! And so long as the ninja benefited from it, then it would all be worth it in the end.

"...Anyway, thank you for the treat Hakaze-chan. It was just the thing to set the mood. Any left for the afternoon group?" Perking up at the thought that her treats were well received, Hakaze cheerfully looked up at her slightly hungry-looking partner.

"Of course! And I have an extra box for you Yamanaka-san!" Really, she didn't know what else she could have done; without Yamanaka-san noticing her program proposal and deciding to throw her Clan's name behind the project...

"Call me Haruka! And honestly, if you weren't such a good medic-nin, I would push you to open your own pastry store. Where did you get the inspiration to make this stuff?" The woman seemed to ooze confidence as she leaned against the table, widely smiling as Hakaze handed her the bento box just for her.

"Oh, just lots of experimenting that's all. I get weird cravings sometimes." Couldn't exactly explain that she got cravings for food that didn't exist, now could she?

' _Plus, there's the fact that I've such a sweet tooth and have been dying to get some more familiar sweets in my life. Dango just does not hit the same!'_ Hakaze took out the other bento boxes and began to count how many were left for the second group that evening.

"Hmm, are you sure you have enough for the B group? It looks like you're missing a bento box."

"Oh, my mistake! I must have miscounted how many I packed for today. It should still be enough though."

' _God damn Danzo! I know I had enough boxes this morning! I just know it!'_ Suppressing her rage at the fact that the damn thief had managed to interfere with her food at work, Hakaze swore to blow a little of her budget and get some quality materials to trap her fridge and bag.

' _Enough is enough! What if they spooked the patients with their swiping?! Or worse, poisoned the food!'_ Hakaze made a mental note to make sure that the leftover slices were poison-free for the final group.

"...Do you have an admirer Hakaze-chan?" Yamana -ahem- Haruka-san teased, tilting her head down at her. Hakaze wondered why everyone seemed to feel so tall next to her. She wasn't short or anything, yet for some reason, everyone around her just seemed to be looking down to meet her gaze.

' _Speaking of gazes…'_ Pushing that thought away, Hakaze returned Haruka-san's look with a firm one of her own.

"You shouldn't tease me like that Haruka-san. I have no admirers, I assure you. I promise to work more on my situational awareness."

"I can help if you like. Also another little tip; if you don't like looking up at people, I recommend you wear sandals with a little heel. It makes a world of difference, trust me." Haruka teasingly leaned against her desk as she pulled her heeled foot onto the table. "See? Thick and with enough support so you don't trip and fall like a civilian."

' _It does look good...But is it practical to wear it at the hospital? I have to stand in place for long periods of time, which generally isn't a design concern for kunoichi shoes.'_ Nodding anyways in thanks at Haruka-san, Hakaze thought about the blonde's other offer. She couldn't deny that her situation was getting ridiculous. Whatever training she already had was clearly not enough.

"Thank you for the offer, but you're already helping me so much! Will you even have time to help me with my training?" Hakaze knew that Haruka was doing more behind the scenes; convincing her Clan head had just been one of the many things she was doing to get more support.

' _This program is more important than my skills right now. I shouldn't distract her from what is truly important just for my peace of mind. To ensure the patients' safety, I'll just not bring any homemade treats till I get better seals and traps._

"Aren't we friends Hakaze-chan? Besides, we both work on this project. Don't downplay the amount of hard work you contribute as well." Seeing the resolute look in her eyes, Hakaze couldn't help but return her grin.

' _If she's so sure about this, then who am I to question it? I'll just treat it as a bit of good fortune! Maybe the universe is making up a little for Danzo.'_

"Then, please help me improve. I'll be in your care!" Hakaze barely had enough time to dodge after straightening from her respectful bow, as a series of kunai and shuriken landed where she had just been standing.

"We have a good hour until B group. Let's start now." Hakaze shuddered slightly as Haruka's face turned mischievous. The young woman seemed to pull another set out of thin air as she threw them in Hakaze's direction.

' _No matter what, I can't afford to get caught! I need that chakra for the examinations!'_

* * *

Smiling in a farewell to the last confused looking jonin, Hakaze gathered the last reports into a pile and made her way to where Haruka-san was waiting for her.

Hiding a wince at the still healing cuts on her arms and legs, Hakaze reminded herself that every sting and pain was going to be worth it in the long run.

"Good work today Hakaze-chan, now onto the tedious stuff." Wondering how such a pretty face could hide such a sadistic training partner, Hakaze swore to herself to make sure not to upset her too much.

' _Haruka-san can be truly frightening with her aim.'_ She hid a shiver as she slid the finished reports of group B to the blonde.

"Yes, I was looking into our supplies allotted by the hospital and found that more have gone missing since last placed in it." And hadn't that been an upsetting surprise, they were missing a variety of different vitamin jars and minerals that were necessary when detoxing safely.

' _Not to mention several of the chakra infused drinks for helping hydration have suddenly sprung holes, making the space an absolute pain to clean and even harder to get a replacement.'_ Taking a few controlled breaths, Hakaze controlled her grip so she didn't accidentally break the hospital desk. ' _They'd just take it out of my paycheque.'_

Haruka-san's eyes grew cold as she bared her teeth in a parody of a smile.

"Oh? More secret admirers at work?" She wished it was so simple. No, something told her some foul play was at hand here.

' _Fucking Danzo. It's not the bento thieves, this was too sloppy to be them. Damnit, is there someone in the Hospital helping that man fuck my program over?"_ Hakaze hated having to suspect her coworkers for sabotage, but she was aware of how unpopular her program currently was. She couldn't discount the fact that one of them might have decided to lend a helping hand to remove what they found as an eyesore.

"No, there were faint signs of chakra forcing the lock open and the seals on the door being reapplied with less care than they were in this morning."

"I see. Well then, looks like we'll need to get more support soon."

"Is Yamanaka-sama's support not enough?" Yamanaka Inoichi had been gracious enough to get Haruka-san as the official therapist in charge of the program, even though technically Hakaze would remain as the founder of the project.

"It would be if we had _any_ successful cases. But since this program is so new and small, he can only give so much. The Clan has to save face should we fail after all."

Pulling out a stack of photographs, Haruka-san cackled as she began to mutter on who her next target should be. Hakaze looked at them and saw different clan heads and other prominent shinobi.

' _We're thinking too small. This program will never survive long term without a solid sponsor that has enough political power to get the hospital board, the civilian committee and the clan shinobi to give it a shot._

"...What about one of the Elders?"

"Them? You're more ambitious than I thought!" Haruka-san seemed positively thrilled at her comment, her body language becoming a little more open than it had been before.

' _Did I pass some hidden test?'_ This was what she didn't like about the elite, they were so eccentric you just didn't know if you should look underneath the underneath or just look underneath, ' _How many underneaths do you have to look under?'_

"Let's see, Homura Mitokado-sama might be a good sponsor. He is excellent with finances and has been a staunch supporter for the Jonin corps during the Wars. The man has a good reputation with many of our patients..."

Hakaze didn't know too much about the village elders per se, but the few times the anime had shown them, they had looked more like Danzo's mean girl gang.

' _Plus they hated the main character. Which means that until they get swayed into thinking the main character is the best thing since sliced bread, they are sketchy at best and hidden bad guys at worst.'_ Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Hakaze decided to get more information about this man.

"...Haruka-san, before you fixate on Homura-sama, can you tell me what percentage of Jonin in Konoha are women?" Working on the frontlines as a medic, as well as working in the hospital, had taught Hakaze it was an unfortunate truth that the percentage ratio between men and women in the force was more unbalanced the higher you went up the ranks.

' _If this Elder supported a ratio that was primarily male, when we're both women...plus his age...He won't be the right fit for this program's first major sponsor.'_ Through all the weeks leading to the start of the program, Hakaze had heard the other medic-nin mutter on how emotional, how ' _civilian'_ this project was.

' _I really hate this fucking system that told this village that daring to express in a healthy way your emotions is wrong.'_

"...There is less than a fourth of kunoichi who have the full Jonin rank, though you will find many more in the Tokubetsu Jonin rank as it allows for a more personalized skill set." Something dark flickered in Haruka-san's eyes for a second. It made Hakaze wonder if she had felt the divide between the genders in her job before coming to the hospital.

"Still, I'd have to say that there are _maybe_ a third of them who are kunoichi? Why? Does it matter?" Raising her eyebrow at the guileless look on Haruka-san's face, Hakaze sighed softly.

' _Guess I'm gonna have to articulate why the old man's bad to a jonin who respects him.'_ Steadying her breath, Hakaze took that moment to calm herself as she spoke clearly and without a single bit of judgement in her tone of voice. The tone was key right now.

"You would know better than I, but is Homura-sama the kind of man who would endorse a program started and run by kunoichi?" An odd silence filled the room as Haruka-san seemed to be torn between looking at her with either pity or concern.

"...He's not an unfair man, Hakaze-chan. He will accept results and endorse them if they benefit the force. Did you experience discrimination at the hospital?"

Sidestepping the question, Hakaze focused on the first part of the response.

"Then it sounds like he's not the right person to ask for sponsorship at this stage either; as you said, we don't have anyone who has finished the program yet. No success stories to show as proof that this works." Hakaze remembered how big that was back in her old life. She had worked with a non-profit for a few years and their sponsors had been so adamant on using success stories to decide whether they would continue to fund the project or not.

Narrowing her eyes slightly, Hakaze looked out the window and towards the idyllic looking garden.

' _Some things just don't change. It doesn't matter where you are, people will always want to endorse what makes them look good.'_

"Surely you're not thinking of Koharu-sama? She's a very tough woman. Koharu-sama might have a great love for our village, but that does not make her soft in any manner." Turning back to face Haruka-san, Hakaze hoped one day she would feel more comfortable with sharing her experiences as they got to know each other better. Some of the things she implied ...painted for a very interesting life.

" _Exactly_. If we can convince her, an Elder who cares for the whole rather than the individual, then the others will have a harder time refuting us." Leaning forward on the desk, Hakaze felt some strands of her hair slide out of the bun she was wearing and cover parts of her face.

It was something she recalled seeing in her old work. If you could gain endorsement from a very picky, powerful sponsor, it would often have others take note and become curious in your enterprise; the ideology of "surely there must be something worthwhile if they've gotten that person's interest" would provoke them into contributing as well.

' _Go big or go home Hakaze. You can do this.'_ She thought, gripping her hands on the table.

"I was just teasing earlier, but you really _are_ an ambitious little thing, aren't you? And if she was before you right now, just how would you be able to convince her to lend her support?" Haruka smirked condescendingly, leaning back into the chair and crossing her arms over her chest as if to say ' _impress_ _**me.**_ ' And despite what Haruka might be thinking, Hakaze's been ready to have a willing audience for more than a year. She knows _exactly_ what she wants to say, and how she'd argue her case to someone like Koharu.

"Ever since the end of the Third War… No, even before that. In the gap between the Second and Third Wars, and continuing well into the Third, there has been a rise of alcoholism in our shinobi forces." Memories of growing up in the orphanage by the red-light district threatened to overwhelm her for a moment. The scent of perfume, alcohol, and sweat filling the air. The sights of men, and some women, stumbling drunk, losing themselves to the full range of human emotions as everything they were was amplified and distorted; like a funhouse mirror from hell.

"There has been a rise of whoring and gambling as well, what's your point?" Haruka-san rebutted, not fully impressed with the opening line. But that was fine, Hakaze would just have to work harder to change her opinion. Taking another shallow breath, she tried again.

"My point is that while those other two things are also important addictions to be addressed, neither have yet to cause _such_ damage to their bodies that a regular medic-nin would be unable to save them on or off the battlefield. That the only way for them to make a recovery is having someone like Tsunade-sama be in charge...And she's _gone_." And didn't that just burn something fierce? Hakaze had managed to interact with her once, and that was already one too many times. The woman who she became near the end of the war…That woman was nothing but an insult to the legend she had heard about growing up.

' _They always say, "Never meet your heroes." But she wasn't even my hero, I just wanted…'_ Gritting her teeth in frustration, Hakaze noticed she had gotten distracted again. Haruka's unimpressed was slowly turning to boredom.

"That's cute and all, but this is Koharu-sama. She's been known to claim that any Shinobi who self-sabotages themselves like that deserve to perish in doing their duty for the village." Haruka-san was right, Hakaze was still being too polite. This wasn't a customer, nor a higher up before her. This was an audience who wanted her honest opinion.

Throwing her shoulders back, Hakaze spoke a little louder, as her frustration began to bleed into her words.

"That kind of talk is only possible if our forces had the amount of manpower to discard ninja like candy. Especially with such a high rate of mental health problems in our elite, surely she does not mean to sacrifice a good portion of our most skilled shinobi for something that can be healed with time and resources?"

"We have yet to see any visible problems until now, so why waste further resources on a thing that isn't even a problem." Haruka-san's continued nonchalant manner of responding was very infuriating, but also good practice for the inevitable moment where someone said the same thing; trying to keep her breathing even, Hakaze stayed firm.

"Should a medic not treat a wounded shinobi simply because it is not _currently_ life-threatening?" She refuted, gesturing her hand just as nonchalantly as Haruka-san had earlier while keeping a close eye on her answer.

"This and that are two different things Hakaze-chan," she smirked, eyes seeming to laugh at her little sass.

' _Okay, that little smirk is just asking for a punch in the face.'_

"No, they are _not_. We lost too many shinobi during both wars, and the hospital was overwhelmed with patients that we couldn't save because we were limited in numbers. A good fourth of those shinobi could have been saved if their bodies hadn't deteriorated to such an extent." It had been so frustrating, realizing how much damage had gone unnoticed.

' _Stay focused Hakaze, you can't afford to get distracted right now.'_

Gesturing angrily at the window, towards the rest of the village; Hakaze felt herself start to speak a little faster, a little _harder_.

"If the strength of Konoha is _truly_ important to them, then doesn't it make _sense_ to keep our forces not only large enough to _survive_ wars but to also keep our skilled, valuable ninja and bloodlines healthy and _thriving_?" Standing from her seat Hakaze silently dared for Haruka-san to claim otherwise.

' _Because while Konoha isn't as Kekkei Genkai hungry as Kumogakure, we do love making sure the clan kids have better resources than everyone else.'_

Clasping her hands together in front of her mouth for a moment, Hakaze tried to regain control over her emotions. She inhaled, letting the emotional high leave on the exhale, before continuing more calmly.

"We are still a very young village. Our Hokage is just barely older than these walls we are working in. The 1st Hokage brought the clans and civilians together to make a change. The 2nd Hokage died to give hope for the future generations to build a legacy where Konoha would not only survive but thrive and grow even stronger. We can't afford to throw away those we claim weak just because they are struggling and need support."

Twisting to look at the pile of profiles and data on their patients, Hakaze took a quick moment to picture their faces. Everyone one of them deserved the chance to regain control over their lives. To look at the future and not think they have to go to such lengths to get by.

Not even bothering to hide the narrowing of her eyes at a now more interested blonde, Hakaze angrily wished people would understand the little references she wished to make. ' _Are you not entertained?'_ _ **indeed**_ _."_

"Especially when their recovery is something we can provide with a little bit of support and care! Is that not what the _Will of Fire_ is? To help and support our fellow comrades and ensure that together we provide the best for those we love and fight for? Isn't their value in nurturing those who struggle and show those who will come after us a better way?"

Placing her hands on the table, Hakaze leaned forward, not-quite looming into Haruka-san's space, as her lips twisted into a mocking smile.

"And who are you to make such bold remarks? You're not even twenty-five. What makes you so wise as to decide what our elite, those older and more skilled than you, need or don't need?"

Looking down between her hands for a moment, Hakaze tried to gather her emotions and thoughts as she wondered how to answer her. ' _Not like I can say I'm old enough to be her grandmother at this point. Or at minimum her mother.'_

"...I _am_ weaker than them, and yes, I know I am not as skilled. But every master was a novice, and good ideas shouldn't be discounted simply because they come in unconventional forms. We are shinobi, clever and creative. How many jutsu has been refined and made new because someone dared to do something different? I know I don't have a Clan nor a prestigious lineage to lean upon, but...if those things are so important then why are non-clan children allowed to be ninja too? There is no ban on how high we can go, so surely that means that our contributions are just as valid?" Looking up, she frustratedly stared - a little pleading, a little angrily - at Haruka-san's laughing eyes.

"So _passionate_ Hakaze-chan."

Biting her lips in disappointment at the blonde's response, Hakaze pulled back and sat on her chair again.

"Haruka-san, I am serious! We can give so much more, help our forces so much more. Konoha itself is proof of Hashirama-sama challenging all the previous elites in his generation who were wiser, more experienced, and maybe better than him and _succeeding_! Konoha is practically a _symbol_ of how new ideas and working together provide betterment for the whole!"

Exasperatingly throwing her hands up in the air, Hakaze wondered what else she could say that wouldn't reveal too much, yet still get her point across.

"I know rank means a lot to the councils and the civilians, so that's why I wanted this program to focus on the elite. If we can prove that there is a better way, a healthier way to cope with everything we have seen and done ...then maybe one day the other ranks will receive the same help as well. Plus many jonin are the sensei's to our future. It is up to them to teach the future backbone of our village how to cope and handle all the pain they are going to go through. So why not prepare them for the worst-case scenario while working for the best possible future? "

Feeling positively drained after that last burst of emotion, Hakaze buried her face in her hands. Shoulders slumped, not even daring to look at her partner's indifferent, mocking face.

' _Well...that was a hot mess. So much for being prepared. I didn't think I'd get_ _ **that**_ _emotional.'_

Sincere clapping startled Hakaze into looking up in a daze. Total bewilderment filled her face as Haruka-san smiled gently at her baffled face.

"Beautifully put. You were a little _too_ much at times, but overall you had enough good points that few would be able to deny it. I'm impressed, Hakaze-chan, I never took you for such a passionate young lady." Smiling sweetly, Haruka-san leaned forward, her chin on her palm.

"Now you're just teasing me again" This woman was completely draining! Hakaze needed a long, hot soak in her bathtub with sweet snacks to gnaw on right now.

"Only a little, but that's because you're fun to play with." Poking Hakaze's nose with a fingertip, the blonde grew more serious as she stared into Hakaze's face.

"Still...I hope one day you share with me who you lost to make you so personally invested like this."

Pulling away, Hakaze felt her heart drop to her stomach at those words.

"...Why do you say that."

"Most people don't get so worked up about these kinds of things, not unless they have lost someone or failed another because of it." There was no pity in her blue eyes, thankfully. If there had been, Hakaze didn't know if she would be able to stop herself from trying to punch her in the face; that would have been suicidal to do to a jonin.

"... … …"

"Thank you for your hard work Hakaze-chan. I will use your passion to get Koharu-sama to support this project." Haruka-san stood elegantly as she offered a handshake.

Gently taking it, Hakaze nodded in gratitude as they firmly shook on it.

"Thank you for representing us Haruka-san."

"It has been my pleasure, and I mean it, really. This has been some of the most satisfying work I've done in a long time." Watching her walk away from the room, files clasped in the blonde's hands, Hakaze felt a little light-headed as she took in everything that had just happened.

Subtly blinking back tears of gratitude, Hakaze counted herself lucky to have this amazing woman's support.

* * *

Slumping over her floor table, Hakaze groaned slowly. This was _not_ how she wanted to spend her evening. Feeling a curious Kohaku-kun bat at her hair, Hakaze peaked up to see her furry friend staring judgingly at her.

"Being an adult can be hard alright? No one ever tells you about the sheer amount of math you have to do. Not even the Ninja Academy, where they're so intent on telling you about the awful things shinobi have to do." Scratching him under his chin, Hakaze smiled at the soft purr rumbling from under her fingertips.

"See, look at this. So, Tanaka-san gave me my cheque, right? Which is an additional 4,000 Ryo for this month. I already paid rent yesterday, which was about 9,000 Ryo due to water bills. The Hospital paid me last week 24,600 Ryo, making that the last paycheque of the month. So right now I have 44, 200 Ryo. I need to buy more groceries, which I'll have to do tomorrow, so that's about 5,000 Ryo. That should last me for the next two weeks. Plus some food for Ko-kun's - that's you, by the way - visit, so another 1,000 Ryo." Giggling at the startled look the nin-cat gave her, Hakaze placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Of course I would pay for your visits, Ko-kun. You're a treasured friend." There was something adorable about seeing a giant cat fluff out its fur and act all bashful.

"Now then, I also need to buy new traps for the stolen food if I want to keep bringing treats to the program; that's gonna be roughly 5,000 on good quality paper and ink _alone_. Plus an additional bottle of oil and whetstone for my weapons upkeep, and that's another 2000 Ryo." Continuing to pet her friend, Hakaze tried not to tense as her mind continued to go through the mental math.

"Haruka-san said she'd be covering the fee for renting the rooms, so that's one less burden, but since I _am_ the medic-nin in charge of the program, it's going to come out of my next paycheck for the cost of the sabotaged supplies. Which is about 20,000 ish Ryo in total, so that means I won't get paid much next week. So I'll need to save about 9, 000 ryo for next month's rent just in case. This weekend I need to do some laundry so that's another 1,500 Ryo for the number of clothes. Plus I need to use the better laundromats that actually do good work on the uniform. That's leaving me with 21, 100 Ryo left over." Mentally kissing goodbye, treating herself to buying new books or enjoying anything outside of work and baking; Hakaze nuzzled into Ko-kun's head as he purred up a storm.

"So half of that will be going to savings, as I most certainly don't want to live here forever, even if I have a wonderful visitor like you stopping by Ko-kun. Still, with only 10, 550 Ryo for personal spending, that's not exactly a lot. Guess I won't go out and visit any good restaurants, nor do any personal shopping or hang out with any co-workers after hours for the next few weeks. I can use that money instead to cook some delicious treats and visit the genin corps."

Smiling at the cute head but he gave her, Hakaze whispered softly into his ear, "What say you, Ko-kun? Think Sato-san will be happy to see me pop by?"

The nin-cat leapt out of her arms and gave her a skeptical look, before regally sitting next to the mouse squeaky toy.

"Oh? You want to help me with my practice tonight?"

Licking his paws daintily, he gave her a dismissive look as he lightly kicked it towards her.

Laughing in delight, Hakaze used her chakra strings to grasp the toy. Whipping it around the room for the cat to catch, she used her other hand to pull objects in and out of the Maine Coon's way as he leaped and twirled as he tried to catch the flying fake mouse.

' _I am so lucky to have such a good friend. Maybe I can splurge a little and get him his favourite fish tomorrow.'_ Wickedly pulling the toy away at the last second, Hakaze led him to her room as they continued to fight over the toy close to her bed.

In the distraction, a masked intruder slid into her kitchen and made off with the bento box that had the last slice of cake. Nearly silent yelps of pain echoed over the rooftops as a small squad began to duke it out for the box.

Flopping onto her bed in exhaustion, Hakaze smiled as Kohaku-kun slumped next to her and began to purr. Kissing him one last time on his head, she curled up next to him, resting peacefully after such a stressful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Please feel free to comment and review!


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: HEY GUYS! For those that read this on fanfiction . net, I have no idea why it was being a pain but you all can read Chapter 3 now! And here is Chapter 4! I guess for some of you this is like a double update huh? Anywho, here is a big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story!

"And in fragmented darkness,

I knew that his lunar smile

would captivate the moon

and always be the reason

for my soul's eclipse."

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

"-looked at me like they didn't even know me. I didn't even know myself at that moment. All I could think of was the dying howls of my partner and just wanting to make the memory go away." Shikaku looked away as the Inuzuka finished his story, his stomach turning as he recalled the few times right after the war that he had drunkenly gone too far.

' _What a drag.'_ He thought, slumping further into his chair as the Inuzuka took a long sip of his water. The Aburame had continued to look puzzled during the entire process, not understanding anything at all. After a few sessions of observing him, Shikaku could easily claim that he was probably career-ANBU.

' _Though there is still something...not right about that.'_ Shikaku played with multiple theories on the truth behind the Aburame, attempting to tune out the rest of the session and push away the uncomfortable feelings rising up.

"Thank you for sharing, Inuzuka-san. That showed a lot of strength and courage to do so." Glancing at the blonde from the corner of his eye, Shikaku wondered just when she had learned to sound so goddamn sincere.

' _...I thought this was just an obligation project.'_ Did that sadistic menace actually _like_ this job?

"I know for many of you this was a rougher experience than the previous ones. We will be following up next week with techniques to implement in our daily lives when we find ourselves spiralling out of control. Hakaze-sensei will be checking up on those that weren't looked at before this session. There are three of you, you know who you are. Make sure you get looked over for your detox progress before going home. See you all next session." A sharp glance was thrown his way had him sighing loudly, completely done with the day and knowing the woman would make his life worse if he dared skip.

Meandering out of the room, Shikaku walked past the Kurama woman and Ito-san speaking lowly to the Inuzuka, patting the sad man on his shoulder as he weakly smiled, at their words.

Ignoring the bizarre sight, Shikaku spotted the purple-haired woman setting up the space in the room across the hall.

' _It has only been a few weeks, yet she's lost quite a bit of weight.'_ Shikaku narrowed his eyes as he scanned her from head to toe. Her muscles were still defined, so she obviously still trained, but her stamina must have dropped along with that weight.

' _It's weird seeing her without her sea of freckles.'_ Her skin was wan, and she had a thicker coating of makeup on than usual. It was ridiculous how many of the men had suddenly checked her out.

' _Idiots. All of them. As if they can't tell she's stressed and overworked.'_ Her hair seemed to be losing its lustre and was sloppily placed in a high bun.

' _Yet….her food has been just as delicious as always.'_ Honestly, at this point, Shikaku felt that her treats were the only true highlight of this program. It was the one thing that gave him great pleasure.

' _This time a delicious pudding-like treat, except instead of caramel sauce on top, it was toasted sugar that cracked when you ate it. It was a bit sweeter than her normal treats, honey with a hint of cinnamon.'_ He wasn't too much of a sweets guy, but that small amount was enough for him to truly enjoy it. Sighing at having to get his stupid bloodwork done, Shikaku weighed on the pros and cons of just leaving, without anyone any wiser.

Turning to look back at the room, he could spot Haruka just raising an eyebrow at him. Her entire aura seemed to ask him if he ' _really_ wanted to get better?'. Frustration filled through him as he tsked loudly before entering the room in a slouch.

"Hakaze-sensei?" Suspicion flickered through him as she didn't even startle nor flinch at his presence.

' _Strange...I had been suppressing my chakra all of this time, how did she notice me?'_ Narrowing his eyes, he spotted a strange doodle on her clipboard, looking like a bunch of loops were squished together in a line. Hakaze-sensei smiled gently at him as she gestured towards the chair.

"Step right this way, Nara-san. I will need you to please stay still, I am going to be drawing some blood for testing."

Her gentle smile, the soft tone in her voice, the cheerful look in her gaze; all of it was really _**pissing**_ him off. Irritation filled his body as he slumped into the chair; he could feel his hackles rising as she grabbed the needle from the desk.

"Troublesome." He grumbled, trying to resist the urge to break something. One eye on the tray of tubes and needles on the table, Shikaku wondered if it was truly necessary to take so much blood?

' _What a goddamn pain.'_

"But necessary, Nara-san." Her even tone was just as annoying as her soft one. What did she know about _necessity_?

"And how is it a necessity to constantly have to draw this much blood?" At this point Shikaku didn't care that he was being difficult, he just wanted to leave. It had been hard going on detox, and he couldn't deny that if it weren't for Choza and Inoichi looking out for him, he would have drunken himself to a stupor again.

' _Yoshino has been such a pain lately too. Why the hell is she so pissed that I didn't try this earlier? This program wasn't even around back then!'_ Irritating! Why was everyone so damn irritating!

"It's necessary to do, but I will not force you to go through with it. This is a voluntary program, not a mandatory one. Regardless, I wish to respect your boundaries so you are as comfortable as possible."

' _What kind of_ _ **bullshit**_ _is coming out of her mouth?_ ' Clenching his teeth, Shikaku wondered who the hell this person was.

"Good lines, but I'm neither comfortable nor have I been getting to keep my _'boundaries'_ since I've been here." Smirking at the hint of confusion on her face, Shikaku wondered how she would reply to _that_.

"What can I do to make you more comfortable then, Nara-san?"

Laughing bitterly, Shikaku pushed himself away from her as he grinned cruelly at her. "Hakaze-sensei, the only thing you can do is to open your damn eyes and quit pretending to give a damn. Any real ninja wouldn't give away so much as a _crumb_ of their care to strangers, and here you are, running to hand over a whole _serving_."

"You aren't a stranger; you are a comrade. And if helping you grow stronger and healthier can be done by showing a little bit of care, then that is what I will do." Taking another step back to give him space, Shikaku watched how she lowered the needle and placed her hands where he could see them, away from anything that could be thrown at him.

Sneering at her level of naivete, Shikaku snapped back, "Comrade? You think _you're_ qualified to be my _comrade_? As if you've even been outside the Village with that attitude; "kindness and care"... I'm a _Jonin_ who made my name on the _war front_. Where were _you_ , sensei? Here in the hospital, _safe_ and _sound_?"

Something dark inside of him curled in satisfaction at seeing her become more and more stoic with every word that came from his mouth. She now almost looked like every other shinobi in Konoha.

"Is a shinobi's value only proven on a war front Nara-san? What now, now that we have peace?" He hated her calm, even tone; as if she wasn't upset by what he was saying. Acting like she was above it all, better than him and everything that he sacrificed for people like _her_ to live comfortably; he _hated_ it _._

"The only comrades I have _served_ on the front. And do you honestly think for one minute that _this_ is _peace_? We slaughtered until they couldn't afford to throw more bodies our way! In another ten years, we'll be marching into the Fourth War, and that's if we're lucky."

Why couldn't she see the truth for what it was? They would never have permanent peace, nor would any of them be allowed any true lasting happiness? The Wars just kept coming, becoming more brutal and with shorter periods of peace between them. So who cares if he has a few vices? Life is short and then you die painfully.

"Nara-san, what do you know about the Genin Corps? Have you ever interacted with someone from the Corps?" Is she deaf? Why on earth is she bringing that _low tier_ group up?

"No. What does that have to do with-" Startling at the fierce look as she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, Shikaku felt baffled when he saw her turn so her back was facing him as she cut him off.

' _Why? Why does she show such a vulnerable side when I've just finished attacking her verbally? Shouldn't she not trust me?'_

"The Genin Corps is a source of labour and bodies to handle everything no one else wants or has the time to do. This means, if you're unlucky enough to _not_ impress a Jonin-sensei in a time of war, you get sent to the battlefield to do all the dirty, dangerous tasks that would be an ineffective use of resources to give to Jonin-track genin or chunin." Raising an eyebrow at this sudden change of topic, Shikaku wondered if there was even a point to all of this.

' _Tragic situation, but what did that matter? They chose to be ninja.'_

"The most common task in my experience was battlefield cleanup and corpse retrieval. We were ordered to retrieve friend and foe alike, as Konoha could make use of enemy corpses one way or another. If you can't identify on sight, such as if the corpse has rotted too much or if there's only so much shredded meat... then you're required to sift through the remaining gore until you find something you _can_ identify with." Sitting up straight at her words, Shikaku looked her over again.

' _She had_ _been a Corps Genin? But...she's neither bitter nor pathetically weak.'_ He wondered who she had met to manage to gain the skills enough to get out of that career dead-end at such a young age.

"Konoha has very firm views of making the best use of our assets, and it's a common belief that there's always more Genin Corp bodies you can throw at the issue if you get the previous batch killed. So if your commanding officer feels like it is the best use of your time to go into a zone that hasn't entirely been cleared, or directly into active fighting if they spot the enemy retrieving their bodies, you go." Her shoulders trembled slightly as she appeared to lose herself to memories for a minute. A weird, heavy feeling began to bug Shikaku as he looked away from her, as she continued in a firm, factual tone. Had the Genin Corps situation always sounded so… Cruel?

"And effectively, most Genin Corps have only what they learned in the Academy with which to defend ourselves. No one trains, conditions, or gives provisions to us beyond the minimum required to the genin rank. I'm here today, alive and not another body the Genin Corps needs to pack into an already straining Body Scroll, because I managed to qualify for an apprenticeship as a nurse."

' _Well, I fucked up.'_ Swallowing down his shame at the slight tremor in her hands, Shikaku winced as she turned around to give him an empty smile while her eyes dully shone with unshed tears.

"So, not only am I your comrade by your own criteria Nara-san, I am _much_ more intimately familiar with how many corpses littered the front and our hospital."

' _Shit, please don't cry.'_ He really didn't know how to handle crying girls, they always made him uncomfortable and just want to leave.

"Now then, here's your prescription for the next step of your detox. I am going to get another, _more_ qualified medic-nin to draw your blood, as I am clearly not up to your standards. Good day, Nara-san."

Watching her walk out the room with her head held high, he poured a little bit of chakra to his ears, as he heard her make it to her makeshift desk. Another medic-nin came by, one who blatantly treated this as an annoyance, and as she was drawing his blood he heard Hakaze-sensei leave the building after picking up her stuff. Wincing in guilt as the medic-nin declared him free to leave, he heard Hakaze-sensei choke on muffled sobs as she made her way down the street.

' _ **Fuck.'**_

* * *

Avoiding Choza and Inoichi after that scene was a bit harder than he thought. Thankfully, when he was motivated, he could escape their grasp long enough to get back to the Nara compound.

' _Rather face my loving wife, than talk to Inoichi and Choza about what an asshole I was… Gods, I've hit a new low.'_

Reaching his house, Shikaku sighed in relief that he couldn't sense Yoshino anywhere; maybe he'd get a night of peace for once. He must have spoken too soon, for just as he made himself comfortable on the ground his parents decided to barge in his life. Per usual for his life.

"Shikaku! What's this I hear about Yoshino-chan asking for a divorce? What have you done to her?" Of course, his mother would sound so offended about that little decision; she had clicked with his wife from the moment they met. And somehow because of that, she had made the decision to have Yoshino marry him.

"Thanks, Mom. Glad to know that you immediately would suspect it's _my_ fault for the reason for why my wife would ask for a divorce." Covering his eyes with his arm, Shikaku prayed that _someone_ would just pop by and interrupt this. Hell, he'd even settle for Yoshino at this point.

"Yoshino-chan is a lovely young woman! Why on earth would you drive her away?" Wincing as his mother smacked him hard on the leg, Shikaku slouched into a sitting position, completely ignoring her grumbles about his bad posture. Of course, his dad would just look at this whole thing with an amused look; gods, he was such an asshole.

"Instead of blaming me, why don't you just respect her decision?" Shikaku mentally winces as his mother visibly grew more and more furious at his words, her hair crackling with chakra. Lightning natured ninjas always gave themselves away with their hair, and his mother's was quite _emotive_.

"Now, now dear, calm down. Shikaku, how can we help you if you don't tell us what's wrong?" Just a touch from his father and his mother just ...melted.

' _If I had tried that with Yoshino, she would have stabbed my hand with a kunai and then blamed me for it for the rest of the day.'_ He honestly couldn't recall a single moment that his wife had ever listened to his words outside of the battlefield.

"We are incompatible. Enough said." He didn't want to get into this with them. How could he explain every single issue they've been having for the last 3 years, without them then blaming him for not doing enough to get her pregnant?

' _How exactly do I tell them it feels wrong to have sex with her, and she clearly hates my touch?'_ He wasn't broken, wrong, or "less than a man" because he needed more than physical attractiveness to enjoy it, alright?

Something must have shown on his face because his mother grew quiet for a moment before sitting down next to him with a sympathetic gaze.

"Is this because you haven't had a baby yet?" Of course, she would figure out one of the main reasons for their strained relationship, just like that.

"You two are still young enough, she can keep on trying with you! No sense in giving up after 3 years of marriage. After all, you didn't arrive until our 5th year of marriage." She looked so confident as she beamed next to him, as if she had solved all of Shikaku's problems with the reveal of that little tidbit.

' _She didn't fall for me like you did with Dad, Mom.'_ He mentally groaned.

"It's not just the lack of being pregnant, Mom. She hated having to give up being a shinobi to be my bride, and I grew tired of having someone nag and criticize me every day of my damn life."

' _The number of times she's thrown that in my face... As if I were the one who made that decision for her.'_

"I know it's a struggle for many women but don't _worry_. She's a responsible girl, she'll get over it as I did. She knows her duty to the clan is more important." He honestly did not believe his mother could actually believe the bullshit she just said. Staring at her in disbelief, he rolled his eyes as his father reached down and threaded his fingers with her.

"Besides, Shikaku, you're a Nara-man. You _need_ a tough and strong partner in your life. How else do you think I get your Father to do anything? And you are so like him..." It was great to know his parents still loved and cared for each other after years of being married, but honestly, he could do without them rubbing it in his face when his own marriage was a flaming wreck.

"She's right, Son. Strong women keep us grounded when we'd otherwise lose ourselves in our heads. Besides, a strong woman needs our darkness to take shelter in when she's been strong for too long. We balance each other out, just as you and Yoshino do."

Dragging his hands over his face, Shikaku slouched deeper in exhaustion. ' _It feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. No,_ _ **two**_ _brick walls.'_

"I don't like her and she barely likes me." He groaned out, ignoring his mother smacking him on the shoulder and trying to force him to sit up straight.

"Pah, that's cause you two are fighting right now. Once you calm down you'll make up and see all of the wonderful qualities in her, just like we did. She will be an excellent asset when you take up the mantle as Clan Head." Is Yoshino a person or an accessory to them? Seriously, half of the time he couldn't tell if his parents wanted her to be their child or they thought she was something to add to his skillset; like a special kunai.

"Mom, _**enough**_. Just admit that you were wrong when you picked her for me, and get over it. We are getting a divorce and that's that." Honestly, Shikaku couldn't wait for the day to arrive. He wanted to be able to live in his own damn house instead of jumping from couch to couch at his friend's homes.

"...It's that damn civilian program you're in, isn't it? It's made you _spoiled_ , interacting with all those weak-willed people." His mother seemed to grow colder as her voice turned more disapproving by the second. An uncomfortable look passed his father's face but he didn't verbally disagree with her either.

' _What does that have to do with my failed marriage?'_ Leaning away from his parents, an uncomfortable feeling rose up in his chest as he tried to understand what his mother was trying to say.

"How many times do I need to tell you this, Shikaku? Nara men _need_ strong women; if you just let her do her duty, then you wouldn't have this whole drinking issue and you'd be much happier."

Standing up, Shikaku agitatedly backed away as his mother grew closer into his space.

"The people in that program are neither civilians nor are they weak-willed." After listening to them talk for the last few weeks, he couldn't deny the fact that they'd managed to survive and keep most of their sanity, no matter how they'd tried to cope with it afterwards, was a sign of strength.

"Now, son, I know some of them may be your comrades, but falling into addiction is not a sign of strength." Raising an eyebrow at his father's input, Shikaku distinctly recalled him drinking excessively himself when he had been a child.

"Then I must be weak too, by that account." He rebutted, feeling aggravated that they would put down his comrades while simultaneously ignoring he was no different than them in this.

"No, you just got lost in your head. Just like your father used to when he finished fighting after the First Shinobi War; but I didn't let him lose himself, and he got over it." His mother looked so annoyed at him, as if he was the one being difficult and that he was making a bigger deal out of his issues than they actually were.

"That's ...Not how it works, Mom." Shikaku hid a wince as he recalled the early months of his marriage; of him trying to just... not drink, and be fine with marrying a virtual stranger. Even from the beginning, the way they had been shoved together had left cracks in the foundation. As the cracks in their relationship kept getting worse and worse, the harder he and Yoshino tried to make it work. Until he gave up on trying to make Yoshino even tolerate him, and went on a drinking bender that had left him in a worse place than he had been before marrying her.

' _It never was on Yoshino to fix me, she can't even fix her own personal issues. And to hell with her "role", her only role is whatever the fuck she wants.'_

"Sure it does, you are just being brainwashed by that strange civilian idea that you are _sick_. Bah, all you need is a firm hand and boom, your bad habit will be gone and eventually, I will have grandchildren to spoil."

Holding back a skeptical look, Shikaku internally scoffed at the idea of either Hakaze-sensei or that blond menace trying to brainwash him.

' _I've seen Haruka at work, and that woman has a clear and distinct style. I highly doubt her trying to get me to talk about my experiences is brainwashing in any way.'_ Of course, his father had decided to add his two ryo to this bizarre conversation, just make this whole situation more awkward.

"Listen to your Mother, Son, she helped me a lot after the First War, especially after the Second," Shikaku recalled those days, where his father would drink late at night and his mother would send Shikaku away to his cousins. He doesn't know exactly how his dad stopped, but eventually, his mom managed to bully him into obeying her.

"That's right, I did. Because I knew he didn't need kindness or softness, it'd just have him continue rotting in place. He, and you, just needed a good firm smack over your heads and a strong grip on the alcohol intake. I'll speak to Yoshino-chan so she can do exactly what I did. You'll be fixed up in no time." Stepping back towards the house, Shikaku shook his head at his parents, clearly, he would find no rest here.

"Stop trying to get us back together. Yoshino won't help me and I am not stopping the program." At least there he had a few puzzles to work with, and some delicious treats to explore. And if a part of him liked hearing about the other's experiences, well that was between him and himself.

"Why must you be so stubborn? Can't you see that it's just a waste of time? You have to focus more on your marriage if you want to save it. Make time for your spouse, or they start to wander and get ideas." His mother followed him into the house, dragging his father along, and made it absolutely clear she was against Shikaku dropping this topic.

' _This tells me more about my parents than I ever wanted to know.'_ Reaching the main entranceway, Shikaku tried one last time to get his mom off his back.

' _I know they care, but this has gone on long enough.'_

"We tried, Mom, I tried "making time." It doesn't work. We're beyond fixing this." Putting his sandals on, Shikaku internally bemoaned the fact that he was basically being run out of his own home. _**Again**_.

"Son, we only want what's best for you." He had never thought that his father could be just as troublesome as his mother.

' _But you really do learn something new every day.'_

"And that is _not_ Yoshino." He rebutted, staring his father down. Now if only his mother could take a hint...

"Shikaku-"

"No, Mother. That is _enough_. I will not be dropping the program, and that's final. It has helped quite a bit. I am slowly detoxing - _on my own_ \- and have been talking with a Yamanaka about things. I am not weak for asking help from my comrades… And neither are the people who are in the group with me." He still didn't like the program, and there were days that he left there feeling more like shit than ever. However... a small part couldn't deny that it helped, at least a little bit, to know that he wasn't the only one struggling.

"But, Shikaku-" Shikaku glared down at the hand on his shoulder. A part of him couldn't help but feel a little betrayed as his father just kept _pushing_ him when he'd heard all his life how similar they were; his father should understand him if that was the case, not ignore him.

"No, Dad. I've heard enough." Shrugging the handoff, he backed away from his parents, making it _fucking obvious_ he didn't want any of them in his space right now. Opening the door and ignoring his mother's cries, he walked out into the street before jumping on the roof.

"Wait, where are you-"

' _Sheesh, it's like my parents want me to lose all standing in the Clan before I even become Clan Head.'_

Having had enough of this day, Shikaku escaped from his own damn house and went to the main streets of the village. Clearly, he would get no rest with his Clan tonight.

* * *

After managing to sleep a little in a forested area near the memorial grounds, Shikaku finally felt well-rested and clear-headed enough to figure out what to do.

' _I fucked up. So, now what.'_

Rubbing his face tiredly, Shikaku sighed as he decided that he was _that_ much of an asshole to not even be able to own up his mistakes and apologize.

' _Fuck. How do I even apologize?_ _ **Have**_ _I ever apologized?'_ Many forms of non-apologies were the norm in the jonin circles, such as offering and exchanging services that normally would have cost a lot as a quiet way to make it up to someone... without actually apologizing.

' _Something tells me Hakaze-sensei isn't one of those people.'_ Tsk-ing loudly, Shikaku swore a bit under his breath as he made his way to his teammate's house.

' _Inoichi, or more likely Choza, better know how to fix this. I only want to tell this story once.'_

Sensing both Inoichi and Choza in the flower shop, Shikaku groaned as he dragged his feet into the building, giving a half-hearted wave to the blonde's understanding wife.

' _Seriously, that woman is way above Inoichi's league.'_ Meandering into the living room, Shikaku slumped against the doorway as his teammates turned to look at him; both of them raising their eyebrows at the exact same time.

"I fucked up." No use beating around the bush at this point. They both knew he could be a cruel asshole when irritated.

"No shit. What's new?" Glaring at the unimpressed blonde, Shikaku shoved his legs over and sat on the couch next to him. It really wasn't fair that he had the comfiest one out of the three of them. Inoichi didn't deserve such a great couch.

"Fuck off, Inoichi. I mean it, I really fucked up." It was those little muffled sobs at the end that did it. If she hadn't cried…

' _But that's not fair to her, is it? Why should she stifle her feelings to make the jerk that hurt her feel better?'_

"Did you drink yourself stupid?" Choza asked, sitting on a nearby chair and munching on some fruits.

"No." Though he did crave a drink like crazy. Gods, all of this had become so much harder than he had ever expected. ' _Was I that dependent on a drink to get through the day?'_

"Did you cheat on Yoshino?" Throwing a dirty look at his half teasing, half serious teammate, Shikaku kicked him in the leg and made the blonde yelp.

"I haven't slept with, nor romanced, anyone if that's what you're asking." Until the day came that he was a single man again, he wasn't planning on doing anything with anyone. He had enough drama in his life, thank you very much.

"...Ok, I give up. How did you fuck up?" Thankfully Choza ended their little guessing game before Inoichi threw some truly outlandish theories.

"First, you have to promise to help me." Shikaku knew that Choza would help him regardless, but Inoichi? His mood made him slightly unpredictable at times.

"Why wouldn't we?" And the fucker had the gall to try and look innocent; as if he had never laughed so hard at him he'd made himself sick before.

"Because you're an asshole, Inoichi, and might decide it's 'for my own good." Like that time Shikaku was forced - on his own, he might add- to tell his mother on what had really happened to her favourite vase, even though Inoichi had a hand on its destruction.

"Well that is a very good point, you should be old enough to- '' Thankfully for Shikaku's sanity, Choza shut up their friend by throwing a slice of fruit into his mouth. It really was amazing how watching the blonde choke and swear up a storm improved his mood.

"Let's hear him out first."

Ignoring the proud look in Choza's face, Shikaku sank into the couch as he began to explain what had happened with Hakaze-sensei earlier that day. Inoichi didn't exactly make the retelling easy but the fact that his friend was giving him a small smile, made Shikaku hope that between the three of them, he could manage to apologize to the woman.

' _I guess this is what Haruka means by, 'Working to better ourselves'... I hate it when she's right.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Please feel free to comment and review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: Sorry for the late post! RL has been wild.
> 
> Update Note: I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT AO3 INSISTS THAT THIS IS CHAPTER 6 BUT IT IS CHAPTER 5

_"And in fragmented darkness,_

_I knew that his lunar smile_

_would captivate the moon_

_and always be the reason_

_for my soul's eclipse."_

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

' _Stupid, assholish, son of a Shadowfucker!'_ Blinking hard as she tried to stifle her tears, Hakaze quickly walked away from the hospital. ' _It's bullshit like that, stupid thinking like that causes so much grief and resentment to fester.'_

Losing track of how long she had been walking, Hakaze looked around to realize her feet had taken her to the one place she had been subconsciously avoiding.

' _The Memorial Stone.'_ The large kunai shaped stone gleamed in the sun, mocking her with the names of people she had pulled away from to survive.

' _Damn Danzo and his evil organization! I swear if he wasn't such a boogie-man, things would be different.'_ Or at least, that's what Hakaze liked to tell herself.

' _I'm such a hypocrite. Here I am cursing out Nara-san, when in reality I'm no better.'_ Standing in front of the memorial, she knelt down and began to count all the genin she knew who had been part of the corps when she was young.

' _20 year mates, 15 senpai and 30 kohai. All civilians or unwanted bastards.'_ The dregs of the shinobi world; neither important enough nor with enough connections to be anything more than canon fodder.

Gripping her elbows, Hakaze seemed to curl into herself as silent tears ran down her face. She could picture it so clearly like it was yesterday; trying to survive the war, barely ever having enough to eat and of course, her biggest regret…' _The Genin Corps was like a family for many of them; how many did I push away to survive? How many had wished to invite me into their family?'_

She shouldn't be so hard with herself, what's done is done and can never be undone. All you can do in life is to try to live with the least amount of regrets. In the end, Hakaze had wanted to survive with as much as her heart intact as possible, ' _If I had gotten close to them if I had let myself know them...I know I would have shattered.'_

She still had too much to do, too much to accomplish to break like that.

' _I can't dwell over the past like this, I have to keep moving forward._ ' Biting her lip, Hakaze knew they were just empty words; a part of her would always dwell on what she had done. Still, maybe if she said it to herself enough times, it would come true.

Wiping her tears, she laughed at herself. Her legs had gone numb and she couldn't find the strength to get up.

' _Brave, empty words and a soft heart, isn't that just me in a nutshell?'_ Ruefully smiling, Hakaze activated her genjutsu around her ears. If she had to stay here for a little bit longer, then she'd honour them properly.

Strings of a guitar began to softly play as she quietly began to listen as the woman began to sing the following lyrics.

' _If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, Sink me in the river at dawn, Send me away with the words of a love song…'_ Memories of young children, teenagers and some adults passed through her mind, as she carefully took in the song, crying out every bit of regret she still had over their deaths with each passing word.

' _Let it all out, Hakaze, and then move on.'_ More tears streamed down her face, unnoticed by Hakaze as she indulged herself in the torrent of overflowing emotions. Through the turmoil, she didn't notice the seal in her kunai pouch acting up as someone came up behind her as she listened to the last line of the song.

' _So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls…'_

"Hakaze-chan." Glancing behind, Hakaze was surprised to see the blonde staring at her with a neutral look on her face. Once the moment of shock faded, the memory of how she had run off without a word kicked back in without her grief clouding her mind.

' _I was pretty irresponsible, just leaving without telling her where I was going or finishing my duties.'_ Looking back at the Memorial Stone, Hakaze felt Haruka-san move to stand next to her, both of them just staring in silence at the long list of names.

"Would you like to talk about it, Hakaze-chan?" Shaking her head softly, she kept her gaze straight ahead.

' _So much for having her respect me.'_ Clearing her throat, Hakaze tried to clarify herself, feeling she had nothing more to lose at this point.

"I don't want you to lose any more respect for me, Haruka-san, so I don't want to talk about it with you… But, if you know of another therapist, then I would like to speak to them."

' _Don't forget your reasons, Hakaze,_ she reminded herself, _Don't you let this world brainwash you like it's done to everyone else. You need to talk to someone about this. Be better, let go and move on. Monkey see monkey do. Not, "do as I say, not as I do."'_

Turning to see how the blonde reacted to her words, Hakaze was surprised to see Haruka-san look proudly at her.

' _What?'_

"Yes, I know someone I can recommend to you. Honestly, you shouldn't worry about losing my respect, Hazake-chan. If anything, you just keep raising my respect for you." Staring in disbelief at the woman, Hakaze wondered how on earth she had done that as Haruka held a hand out in an offer to help her up.

' _Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.'_ Smiling weakly back, she wiped her tears away and gratefully took her (colleague? Friend's?) hand as she was gently pulled up.

"Shall we go back and deal with the last group of the day?" Looking into the smiling woman's face, Hakaze gave her own wobbly smile.

"Yes. Thank you, Haruka...chan." Haruka grinned even wider as she began to tug Hakaze down the street and back to the hospital.

"You're welcome, Hakaze-chan."

* * *

Walking down the street after the too long week, Hakaze hummed thoughtfully as she wondered how long Nara-san would try and avoid her.

' _I should try talking with him tomorrow and… Well, not_ _ **apologize**_ since I wasn't in the wrong, but I can admit I shouldn't have used such confrontational language when he was obviously stressed _. Be the bigger person, Hakaze, you're here to_ _ **help**_ _.'_ After all, she couldn't keep bothering the other medics for doing the job she was supposed to be doing.

' _Plus, I'm running out of favours to call upon.'_ Sighing as she turned around the corner, she hefted her bag over her shoulder as she neared the Genin Corps Centre.

The sounds of metal hitting wood and steel echoed, as the training grounds continued to be in use, even this late in the day.

' _These fields always used to be booked back then. I could rarely get a chance to use them due to seniority among the groups.'_ Waving at the few genin that recognized her, Hakaze made her way inside and towards Genin Commander's office.

Noting the open door, she leaned against the door as a familiar face worked furiously over a huge stack of paperwork.

"Knock, Knock. Delivery for one Sato Ken!"

Startled brown eyes met her own as a grin slowly spread across his face. Smiling back at the tired-looking man, she sauntered in and placed her bag on the chair in front of his desk.

"I figured it had been too long since I popped in to say hi. So, as penance, I come bringing delicious treats, great and small, for the Corps." It had been nearly two months since she had last visited, finding herself too busy trying to make ends meet with her two jobs and getting her program running smoothly.

"Hakaze-chan! How wonderful to see you! Please have a seat, I'm just finishing up." The man still looked like a good gust of wind could knock him over, completely unchanged from the last time she saw him.

' _Clearly, he's been stressing too much to eat properly. I think he's actually_ _ **lost**_ _weight.'_ Making a mental note to talk to the man's girlfriend and see how his food intake has progressed, Hakaze leaned backwards as Ken gestured for her to sit.

"You sure? I can just leave the pastries and go if you're pressed for time." The last thing she needed was to add more stress to his current workload.

"No, at least let me get you a cup of tea before you make your way out." Sitting in the offered chair, Hakaze took out three sun-dried tomatoes, thyme and asiago scones; placing them on a napkin next to the writing man's papers and in easy reach.

"How thoughtful of you, Ken. I'll take you up on that offer." She had been craving some green tea. It'd also be nice to catch up with one of the few friends she had.

"It's always nice to see you." He murmured, finishing the last paper before pausing to stretch out the kinks in his back. Staring in amusement as he made a happy sound while finally eating his scones, Hakaze couldn't help but playfully tease him.

"Really? Cause I thought you said I was, how did you put it... 'too clingy'." Biting her lip in glee at the sight of him choking on his scone and coughing as he stared at her in annoyance, Hakaze rolled her eyes at the dramatic sigh that came out as she slumped into his chair.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Ken asked, leaning his chin on his palm as he savoured the last scone.

"Nope. Never." So long as she could get some amusement out of it and he wasn't actually hurt by it, then she would _never_ let it go.

"I _sincerely apologize_ for being a dick to you when we were dating. _Again_." Hakaze internally smiled as he subtly double checked to make sure she wasn't really hurt by it.

"You broke my supply kit in the process of breaking up with me. It cost me over 5 months worth of pay." Now that part had upset her more than the actual break up. She'd had some high-quality seal materials in there, plus a few of the more pricey medicines and good quality whetstones and oil. She had cried so hard for its demise.

"I was a hot mess of a teenager, plus my chakra control was still shit after the attack I came back from. I was jumpy and not fully in control." Ken groaned, still mortified even after all this time. He had been very upset with himself once he got himself oriented that day, and had stubbornly insisted on helping her pay for replacements despite his budget being much tighter than hers.

Watching Ken make her a cup of tea from the nearby kettle, Hakaze couldn't help but feel proud of how far he had come from that wreck of a teenager. They hadn't worked out as a couple, but their friendship had managed to survive and thrive into adulthood.

' _He was the first person who ever listened to me and sought therapy for help.'_ It had been such dark times back then; everyone was too young for what they did to survive, and neither of them were chunin yet. No one had really expected them to survive, but Hakaze was glad they'd lived to spit on those same expectations.

Wordlessly taking the offered cup, Hakaze watched as he sat back into his chair with his own teacup, hiding his smile behind the rim.

' _I think if he hadn't done that and if we had never talked again after our disastrous breakup... I would never have become friends with him again.'_ Keeping the deadpan look on her face, Hakaze raised her eyebrow at him as she leaned further into the chair, making sure to place her cup on the desk and cross her arms over her chest.

"Cool excuse, still murder...of my stuff." Holding back a snicker at his long-suffering face, Hakaze gave him a shit-eating grin as she heard him complain.

"You know, I still have yet to figure out what exactly you're quoting."

' _I'm always more impressed that you could figure out half the time that I was even quoting something at all.'_ Chuckling darkly at his tired, yet determined-looking face, she tilted her head up a bit, using her snootiest voice to reply.

"And you never will."

"I beg to differ." He grouched, still resentful of her silence on the matter.

"Beg away, I still won't tell you." If anyone ever found out she'd be locked away and lose everything, or _worse_. She wasn't really sure what worse was, but Hakaze knew Konoha would have no issues showing her if she was exposed.

"Difficult woman."

"Stubborn man."

They both paused their tirade to burst into laughter as she made herself more comfortable in the chair. Taking a fortifying sip of her tea- he still knew how she liked it- she grabbed some of his paperwork and began to help with his budgeting.

"Seriously though, how's your fiancée? I haven't seen her around the last few times I popped by." A completely lovely woman who was a very good tracker for a non-Inuzuka, with a specialization in drug and human trafficking.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. She's expecting." Hakaze wasn't going to lie, it was a little weird to see his face both melt in adoration and panic at the same time.

"Get out! Seriously? You're going to be a dad?" It seemed everyone was moving forward…

' _That just means I have to work even harder to get my program accessible to all.'_ Ken seemed to misunderstand something on her face as he laughingly rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"I know, right? I feel like I'm one mission away from breaking down. What do **I** know of fatherhood?"

"Well, luckily, you have a pretty amazing woman by your side who will be your partner during this parenting business." Such a silly man. Ken was already a father figure to the younger genin stuck at the corps, so his first biological child would be just fine.

"She wants you to be there at the wedding, you know. As one of the witnesses." Smiling at the thought, Hakaze teasingly smiled at him as he -there was no other word for it- _gushed_ over his fiancée's brilliant budgeting and planning of the whole event.

"Keeping it small?"

"Almost everyone we know are dead. Of the ones I knew and cared about before the war, only you survived, Hakaze-chan." And wasn't that a mood killer. Drinking the last bit of her tea, Hakaze gave him a serious nod as he asked her again to attend.

"I'd be honoured to attend, Ken."

"Thank you."

While helping him finish the budgeting reports, a thought struck her. It caused her to snicker lightly at his befuddled face.

"Heh, who'd ever think you'd invite your ex-girlfriend to your wedding?" That was the stuff of prime-time drama back in her old life. How many movies and shows had she seen where the ex-girlfriend was this lovestruck bitch who bitterly wanted to ruin the whole event?

"You weren't _that_ bad. We just didn't work out as a couple." Humming in agreement at his words, Hakaze privately thought that it did help that they hadn't broken up over things like disapproving families, cheating, or anything serious like that.

"I scared you." She mused, remembering the sheer puzzlement and lack of understanding when she tried to explain her needs to him.

"No, you were just a little... intense for me." Ken hedged, refusing to look at her in the face as he tried to play it cool.

"You know, no matter how often you explain it to me, I still don't get how sex is less intense than hand-holding." This world could be so weird sometimes. Like, sex was alright and ninja were expected to find ways to release tension during the war that didn't compromise their mission readiness. But almost nothing scared them more in a relationship than intimacy.

"You're the weird one, Hakaze-chan. Who wants to have someone so close when sex isn't involved? It just makes me twitchy." Hakaze wished she could say he was the only one like that. Unfortunately, after many talks with other women at the hospital during their check-ups, she could say comfortably that even in private, it was more uncommon to have two people be intimate without it being the prelude to sex.

A part of Hakaze couldn't help but regard Ken pityingly, silently praying for his fiancée and future child. Something must have shown on her face, for he suddenly reacted with a blush on his cheeks.

"Children are different! You can dote on babies, along with little girls and boys."

' _So children and cute things can be doted on, but not grown-ass adults?'_ Hakaze sighed as they started to rehash the same old argument between them.

"Our society has very weird and strange values, and I am still concerned." Seriously, ninja were ridiculously starved for positive skinship and praise. Hakaze could recall at the drop of a hat at least half a dozen moments where her coworkers, friends, and patients had quietly startled from direct praise. And she knew that a good chunk of the overall relaxed attitude to sex was due to the fact it was the one reliable way you'd get skin contact outside of fighting.

' _Damn Danzo, encouraging all this for whatever his batshit ends are..'_ Gripping the arms of her chair tightly, Hakaze almost didn't hear Ken pipe up again.

"Isn't that what made you start that addict program? Being concerned?"

"You can't deny that we have been personally affected by the lack of care that goes into helping someone deal with their drinking." Silence fell between them as memories of their old Genin Commander resurfaced. In many ways, his death was the straw that broke Hakaze's back on doing nothing about this rise in alcoholism.

' _How could I live with myself, knowing I have the means to help them, and I continued to not do anything to help them?'_

"...I can't deny that, but your program is just for the elite, isn't it?" He rebutted, quietly pouring some more tea between them.

"For now, yes. Unfortunately, no one cares enough about the little guys like us to get a program _just_ for us. Got to prove it works for the higher-ups and then have it trickle down."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you with that." Ken softly sighed, looking remorseful as he looked over the budget forms Hakaze had filled out for him.

"Don't stress over it. I can see your budget is as tight as ever."

"Now that the war is done, there are less chances for in-field promotions and the Chunin Exams have become a more international event. This means we have more pressure among the ranks to pass the Exams, and you know how those can sometimes kill off more of our genin than anything else." The look of utter annoyance was something Hakaze deeply sympathized with. She had been very lucky to get her promotion in the field, under the recommendation of one of her fellow medic-nin. The Chunin Exams favoured a very specific type of ninja skill set, making it harder for those like her to even reach the second round; let alone pass and get a promotion.

"Any luck getting more chunin involved with training the troops?" She asked, crossing her fingers that for once, they would get more people to give training to the Corps.

"You kidding? I merely mention the word Genin Corps and everyone thinks I'm telling the funniest joke." Ken seemed to deflate in frustration as he retold the story of just why he shouldn't be bothering higher-ranked chunin with such ridiculous goals.

"What about the ones who used to be a part of us before they moved up the ranks?" Hakaze had wondered if they would remember their roots and come back to help like she and Ken had.

"Don't want to associate with us at all, for fear it'll remind people they came from the Corps." He grumbled, taking a swig from his tea and clacking it against the table in frustration.

"Fuck."

"Exactly."

"What about the Chunin who want to be Academy teachers?" Hakaze knew that in canon Naruto, both Iruka and Mizuku - Was that his name? - had been very young, early to mid-20s. Many of their old Academy teachers had already died or retired by this point, so that meant that there will have to be the next wave of career teachers in the next few years.

"Does anyone want to _actually_ be an Academy teacher?" Ken mumbled, clearly remembering how miserable the whole thing had been for anyone who didn't have the lineage, the connections, or the skill to be a favoured student of the teachers.

"Look, we know that things have settled a bit and the teachers that survived the war with minimum physical damage are back. But a lot of those teachers are old, and even the ones that aren't, have taken wounds that don't appreciate kids aggravating the scar tissue. New ones will have to replace them, so why not lure in some teacher-hopefuls to practice with our genin?" It was their best shot at getting the rest of the genin the attention and support they needed.

' _Plus, maybe it'd make it harder for that damn hack Mizuzu-something like that-to get a foothold in the Academy.'_ Traitors couldn't be trusted near vulnerable, naive children.

"I don't know…"

"Don't give up before you've started, Ken." She hated when he got like this; complaining for hours and then giving up, not even trying to fix anything.

"I'll think about it. Not everyone can rock the boat like you can and still keep their job, Hakaze-chan." Well, that was debatable; while Hakaze wasn't technically fired, she had lost a lot of privileges and hours at the hospital due to her passion project.

"You're an excellent Genin Commander." She reminded him, instead of revealing the more depressing truth behind her current situation. "A good man for these kids to learn from."

"Thanks. Though we both know I only got the job because I was the only Chunin who actually wanted to work and focus on the canon-fodder enough to make them more useful."

Carefully swallowing down just what she thought about the Council, and their many opinions on the value of life of those in the genin corps, Hakaze steered the conversation to less infuriating waters.

"So, how are you gonna manage being both a dad and Commander? You're already pretty swamped." Gesturing at his table of overflowing paperwork, Hakaze raised an eyebrow as he sighed loudly.

"My lovely soon-to-be-wife is going to transfer to gate guard until our child graduates the Academy. She'll be the primary parent because of how demanding this job gets. " Hakaze paused as she took in what he said, wondering for a split second if she should bite her tongue before deciding against it.

' _It's not like Ken doesn't know how I feel about this.'_

"She's going to drop fieldwork just like that, huh?" She said pleadingly, trying to keep her smile light and innocent as his face paled at the look in her eyes.

Watching him clear his throat nervously, Hakaze wondered if he would try to justify it or excuse it. After all, she had met his fiancée; she _knew_ how much she loved her work and took pride in it.

"This is another reason why you and I didn't work out. You never let me take care of you. Nor did you have realistic goals for if we ever did get married." Looks like he took the 'both' option. Keeping the sweet smile on her face, she gently leaned forward, carefully placing her chin on her clasped hands as he leaned back into his seat.

"Realistic? Surely you jest. I just don't see what you sacrifice in the process. After all, isn't marriage more of a partnership than one person sacrificing their entire career for the benefit of the other partner?" Raising her eyebrow, she looked up at him from the stray locks framing her hair, silently daring him to say otherwise to her face.

After a few long moments of awkward silence, Ken coughed nervously into his hand as he looked away from her, muttering quietly that; "It's just how it is."

"Doesn't have to be." she replied, keeping her gaze on his face as he refused to look at her.

"You have to compromise a bit, Hakaze-chan. How will you ever find a boyfriend if you don't lower your standards?" He complained, eyes looking around the room wildly as he roughly ran his hands through his hair.

"I guess I'll just be forever alone." She muttered, not seeing the value of entering such an unequal relationship.

"Look I have a friend who's single right now. If you're not doing anything this Saturday-" He began, the coward finally letting his gaze meet hers as she sighed loudly in exasperation.

"Sato Ken, don't you dare," Hakaze warned him a bit heatedly; she had been on enough blind dates to last two lifetimes.

' _All they accomplish is making me feel like shit.'_ She grouched to herself.

"He's a nice guy! He even likes the whole _civilian_ thing you like. You know, the hand holding, being close, thing." Glaring at him as he flinched at her gaze, Hakaze narrowed her eyes as she hissed back, "I think the word you want is 'intimacy'."

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ken continued to push onward, regardless of her less than subtle cues for him to drop this conversation.

"Yes, that. He's had good reviews from his past girlfriends, so he's got experience." Her face must have been priceless, for he suddenly looked embarrassed at the words that just passed through his mouth.

"Is this a person or a used weapon from a second-hand store?" She snapped, completely done with being polite about this. Ken pouted a little as she made to leave.

"I'm just saying, why don't you give him a chance." He pleaded as she put away their teacups and teakettle.

"No."

"Don't give up before you even start, Hakaze-chan. I just want to see you happy and with someone who will support you. " Sighing loudly at his words, Hakaze glanced at him from over her shoulder as he gave her a beseeching look.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

The silence filled the space between them as she thought it over. Was one more blind date such a bad idea? Maybe this time it'd be different?

"...Fine. Just one date. **One**."

Ignoring the little noise of happiness he made, Hakaze continued to put everything away as he continued to yammer on.

"Great! Let me make the arrangements and I'll contact you this week."

"I'm going to regret this." She muttered under her breath, already feeling like she made a stupid, avoidable mistake.

"Relax, it's just one date."

"Completely doomed." Hakaze deadpanned, waving at him over her shoulder as she said her goodbyes.

"Be positive. I'm sure you'll have a great time together." Ken called back, his stupid face in a wide grin as he saw her out the building and down the street.

* * *

Staring in frustration at the untouched traps on her bag, Hakaze wondered if there was any way to ask for a refund. The traps were activated and in place, yet her bag now held _empty_ bento boxes instead of the full ones she had been saving there.

' _How?! I'm at the fucking spa, in the heart of the civilian sector! There are no ninja nearby! Why does this keep happening?_ ' Trying to control her killing intent from leaking out and overwhelming her civilian colleagues, Hakaze took a few deep breaths as she tried to calm down.

"Hanae-chan? Is everything okay?" A sweet-looking young teenager peered at her from the other side of the changing room.

"Everything is fine, Rika-san. Thank you for asking."

"Not a problem! And it's Rika-chan, Hanae-chan! Also…" Watching Rika tilt her head cutely, Hakaze wondered how much of that action was natural and how much was learned by wanting to appear cute.

"...Are you going on a date today, Hanae-chan?" Pausing, Hakaze glanced to see her looking curiously at her, as she sat closer.

"What makes you say that, Rika-san?" ' _Curious,_ ' Hakaze thought, ' _I wonder if she just has a sharp intuition or..._

"Mou, what will it take you to call me Rika-chan, Hanae-chan! Geeze! ...Also you're wearing a much nicer outfit than usual, and you have a little bit of makeup on your face." Ah, that would give her away. Giving her a soft smile, Hakaze looked into a nearby mirror, scanning herself from head to toe. She was just wearing a tighter longer top with her tights underneath.

"...Is it really that much nicer?" Turning her body to the side, she _guessed_ that it accented her breasts and backside.

"I can see you have some curves. You should wear tighter clothing more often, Hanae-chan! You have a good-sized chest, you should show it off!" There was something just a little bit uncomfortable at hearing a young teen say that to her, regardless of this world's view on when adulthood arrives.

" ...Thanks... but does applying a little bit of lipstick really count as adding makeup?"

"Of course! It draws attention to the mouth, and you have a nice soft shade on. By the way, your foundation is starting to wear off a little. Want me to help you put on the rest?" Holding back the sharp automatic "no" in favour of a softer approach, Hakaze didn't feel even the slightest bad at rejecting the girl

"...I think I'm fine, Rika-san." No ninja worth their salt would trust a mere acquaintance with a pencil so close to their eyes like that.

"Mou! Don't be so mean, Hanae-chan! At least let me stay and see who's the hunk that is gonna take you out!" Absolutely not. She was now doubly thankful that she had insisted that they meet up at the restaurant, and not let him pick her up at work.

"I am meeting him at a restaurant in a few hours. I doubt you want to wait that long with me." Watching the girl fume in frustration, Hakaze took out her makeup kit and leaned closer to the mirror.

"Well, I definitely want to see how you look with the rest of your makeup on!"

Touching up the foundation, Hakaze wondered if this was what some people considered "false advertising" by hiding her freckles like this. She originally had planned to take off her foundation at least, but with Rika watching her so intently she really didn't want to make so much of a fuss right now.

' _Teenagers can be so intense sometimes. It's just not worth arguing with the girl about this.'_ Applying a little pinkish-red eyeshadow to give her eyes a soft glow, Hakaze made sure to add a nice cat flick eyeliner look to finish it off.

"Mou! You look so cute! If you come to work with your face like that, you'd get more tips, you know?" Unsure whether to take that as a compliment or a backhanded insult, Hakaze gave a polite nod in reply.

"I'll take your advice into consideration."

"Have a good time on your date, Hanae-chan! Tell me how it goes tomorrow, okay?" Waving absently as the girl left, Hakaze turned back to the mirror and pulled a strand from her face.

' _...Should I take out my hair dye now that she's gone? Geeze, maybe a light genjutsu would work better so I don't have to redo my makeup again.'_ Internally cursing Ken for planning the date right after her shift at the spa, Hakaze began to make her way out of the building and back into the more shinobi populated parts of the village.

' _He said that we'd be eating at that Akimichi restaurant, the barbeque place.'_

Applying a light genjutsu to make her hair look more like her normal hair colour, Hakaze finally found the place.

Sighing in exhaustion, she prayed that this wouldn't be as painful and awkward as the other blind dates she had been on.

"Hakaze-sensei?" Freezing in shock, Hakaze noted that Nara-san seemed to have melted out of the shadows of the building, looking at her with a slightly puzzled look on his face. He had a bundled bag in his hands, with a couple of leaves sticking out from the top.

' _Is this what it feels like to catch your teacher outside of school?'_ She internally laughed, wondering why she felt so uncomfortable all of a sudden; it was just Nara-san.

' _Though the fact that he is even talking to me is a plus. Maybe now is a good time to apologize to him and get him to act more normally around me.'_ Giving him a polite smile, Hakaze noticed he seemed a bit off-balance.

' _His shoulders look stiff, and he seems to be forcing himself to slouch...'_

"Nara-san, it's good to see you again. Are you done for the day?" There, a nice neutral statement that allows him to give her as little information as possible while still being polite.

"Maa, just finished some dinner. Though I wasn't expecting to see sensei around here." How did she take that remark? As a neutral comment? As an insult?

"Yes, I don't normally eat around here very often." It's too expensive unless there are special deals happening. Luckily for her, there was one running at the restaurant tonight. At least Ken remembered she couldn't spend so much money right now.

' _I'd still rather do another grocery run and try to cook some cheeseburger egg rolls.'_ Then she would need to add a bit of additional conditioning, just to make sure her body distributed everything properly. After all, if she was going to eat so much high-calorie food, then she'd have to make sure to keep up with her regime.

Nara-san looked terribly awkward as they both stared at each other silently. Hakaze wondered if she would make things worse if she tried to apologize now.

' _...No time like the present I guess.'_ Taking a deep breath, Hakaze stepped forward as she began to apologize.

"Nara-san, I-"

"Wait! Please, you don't have to…" Raising an eyebrow at the flush that slowly spread across his face, Hakaze wondered if he was rejecting her apology.

"I...Hakaze-sensei. Here." Blinking in surprise as he thrust the bundled thing into her hands, she fumbled a little as the floral smell of flowers waffed from the bag.

' _Flowers?_ ' Peering inside, she froze as she spotted white anemones inside the bag. She knew this flower, she remembered it coming up in another anime she used to watch, though it was red at the time.

' _I think it meant...forsaken? Or was it disappearing hope?_ ' Staring at the nervous-looking Nara, Hakaze wondered if he was trying to say he didn't have hope for her helping him. Surely he would know better to think she'd let such an incident keep her from helping him?

" _Oh_. Thank you, Nara-san." Keeping her face neutral, Hakaze reminded herself that she was a professional. ' _Keep calm and carry on. At least, till he leaves and I get through this date._ _ **Then**_ _I'll try and figure out what the hell this message meant.'_

He seemed to become more agitated at her lack of comment on the flowers, causing him to awkwardly rub the back of his neck as he murmured how troublesome this was, before meeting her gaze intensely. "Hakaze-sensei. I apologize. I shouldn't have talked to you like that before. Please accept these flowers as a sign of my regret over hurting you."

' _Alright, but why then give me forsaken flowers? I just don't understand what you're trying to say, Nara-san.'_ Debating whether she should just point blank ask, the man seemed to have met his social quota for the day, as he gave a short bow and walked away from her into the sunset.

' _...Now what?'_ Shrugging her shoulders, she took the flowers with her as she entered the restaurant and waited at her reserved table. The man, thankfully, didn't keep her waiting, as he introduced himself as Shigure.

"Sato-san was right! You are very cute, It's a pleasure to meet you, Hakaze-chan." He was good looking enough, she supposed. He had dark brown hair and a smooth, light complexion. She could admit his light brown eyes looked very pretty in the light.

' _Yet he's acting so forward for the first meeting.'_ Internally twitching at how he slid into the seat next to hers, Hakaze gave a polite smile as she prayed that the next few hours weren't as terrible as they were already implying they would be.

"Oh? Did you get flowers at work today?" He smiled at her while reaching out and taking her gift from her side of the table as he began to look through it.

Resisting the urge to reflexively stab his hand with a kunai, as he'd not asked to see it _nor_ let her know he would be moving into her space, she firmly took it back as she replied, "Yes, a patient gave them to me."

"You must have done excellent work for them to thank you so sincerely." Hakaze was temporarily knocked out of her sour thoughts as she took that in. ' _Wait, these flowers mean what now?'_

"Sincerely?" Keeping her face neutral, she didn't like how he laughed in her face at her question while he stretched an arm out on the back of her chair.

"You mean you don't know? And here I thought all girls went crazy over learning flower meanings." Shigure smirked, sliding even closer to her until she put a hand on his chest and carefully pushed him back. For good measure, Hakaze also scooted her chair further away from him, dislodging his arm in the process.

"... … …" She _really_ didn't appreciate the sheer, condescending mockery in his gaze as he stared at her with an amused expression.

"You know, _white_ anemone? They mean sincerity. So if they were thanking you and gave you the flowers, that meant their feelings were sincere." Pausing her scooting of the chair, Hakaze thought back to Nara-san's awkward apology.

"Oh. Thank you for telling me." So, the man had been trying to tell her he was sincere with his apology... Musing on what would be the proper way to respond, Hakaze missed the interested look in Shigure's eyes as he placed his hand on hers and began to stroke it.

"Hey, where did you go? I'm right here in front of you." Staring at him neutrally, she carefully pulled her hand from his. He really was making it harder and harder not to stab him.

"I can see that. Please don't grab my hand so suddenly."

"Shy? How adorable. You know, Sato-san said you like the more civilian style of dating." Why did they keep _calling_ it that? Surely intimacy wasn't solely the domain of civilians?

"I really don't consider it to be-" Hakaze saw red as this man actually had the audacity to place a finger on her lips as he hushed her softly. Pulling her head back, she tightened her jaw in an attempt to not bite his fingers off.

"Don't worry, Hakaze-chan, I won't judge. I love a girl who isn't afraid to get a little physical before we get to the main event." Wait a second, was this idiot confusing intimacy with foreplay?

"Excuse me?"

"You're so polite, it's really cute. I bet you're a real tiger in bed." He purred, leaning forward and practically looking down her shirt in the process.

' _Oh god. I swear if this man tries to touch me again, I will retaliate and leave.'_

Shigure continued to wax poetry of how sensitive and caring he was, so she didn't have to worry about holding back because ' _He could take her affections and return them tenfold.'_

' _That disgusting leer on his face really doesn't convince me. God damn Danzo, and Ken-san too.'_

Keeping her twitching hands clasped under the table, Hakaze swore that if she had to suffer through the next few hours like this, Ken's fiancée might be a widow before she even gets to her wedding.

* * *

Please feel free to leave a comment, review or question.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave your thoughts, comments, questions or concerns below! ☺


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